Bitter Sweet

First, the bitter. It has been fourteen years today that my beloved grandmother, the lady who was the first person to introduce me to the beauty of stories and songs, passed away after a full life. I wasn't near her at the time, but had met her just two weeks before she breathed her last. I cannot say that I remember her only on certain days; she is never far from my mind. I have a picture of her just inside my wardrobe, where I can see her in the privacy of my mind. For some strange reason, this year, I can sense her love very close to me. Maybe it is my imagination, but it feels very real. As if she wants to convey something to me, her favourite and oldest grandchild. Maybe it has something to do with getting older. My oldest memories of her are of when she was around my age. She would have been close to 90 if she had been alive today. She could have been.

Next, the sweet. Today is Sankranti. The day is celebrated all over India in different forms of the harvest festival. Sankranti, Pongal, Bihu, Lohri- all forms of the same joyous feeling of plenty. Plenty to eat, after a long, cold winter. The hope of spring and new beginnings.

The kid and I made tiL-guL today, a sweet made of roasted sesame seeds and jaggery, both rich in nutrients, warming foods. She wanted to actively participate in the making, so she cleaned the sesame seeds, broke the jaggery up into pieces, greased the plates, helped stir the roasted sesame seeds into the melted jaggery, and patted down the hot mixture before cutting it into squares. Maybe we could shape the mixture into laddoos next year or the next, as the mixture was too hot for her to handle.

So, as we say in Marathi, tiL-guL Ghyaa, goD goD bola!  A Happy Sankranti to all.

Standing up...kid style

There has been a lot of standing up for oneself and setting of boundaries that I have been reading about at Starry's blog. Made me think a lot about my own behaviour in the matter.

I had been quite a militant feminist in my teen years. Somewhere along the way, I have morphed into a closet feminist. Somehow got stuck in a rut of my comfort zone. Have been taking baby steps towards getting out of it, but not sure how long I shall take to get even close to getting there. I owe it to my child.

So the child is growing older and needing help dealing with peer interaction. As always, we turn to books- our best friends.

Last year, the tooth fairy (oh, yes, we still believe in those, and Santa, a la The Polar Express) got A a book that she has thoroughly enjoyed. It has been her constant companion over the past year, given that peer interaction is becoming more and more important. Thanks to her petite built and a possibly outdated interest in books and such, she is often the target of those who think they know better. As parents, we keep talking to her about it whenever an 'incident' happens, even stressing on the fact that every person is special in their own way, and that a lot of what those girls say doesn't become true even if it feels like that. That she has so many wonderful gifts that a lot of those girls do not have. That she just needs to ignore most of that behaviour. And at times, stand up for herself and what she thinks is right.

So when she came across this book on amightygirl.com, the tooth fairy thought it would be good thing to get her.

pic courtesy amightygirl.com

Stand Up For Yourself  & Your Friends
Written by Patti Kelley Criswell
Illustrated by Angela Martini
Published by American Girl Publishing
Ages 8+

We begin by defining bullying. It can be many things, but it is mostly about power. And not all bullies are the stereotypical big, tall, loud, intimidating person. Think Miss Agatha Trunchbull from Matilda. Oh, no, they come in different packages, and at one time or another, any one of us could bully someone else.

The book then goes on to deconstruct the politics of bullying as it occurs, and the strategies to handle it. It is peppered with real incidents reported by real girls, the way they handled it, and a lot of expert-speak on each incident. There are short, snappy, two-page chapters on each topic, with full colour illustrations.

There are also many quizzes the reader can take, like 'Is this bullying?' on identifying which behaviours would qualify as bullying, 'What's your speak-up style?' on how you would deal with a given situation and 'What do you stand for?' on your beliefs about friendship. The very practical and easy to apply tips by experts and kids themselves make for a much appreciated 'cool' factor. Or at least I have been informed so by the kid, who dips into the book often for inspiration.

There is also plenty for the bewildered adult who might be the bystander, the authority figure who may have to tackle a potentially explosive situation, or the parent who has to deal with either end of the bullying episode- the bully or the victim. Much that can be used by the adult in their own interaction with power struggles among their peers too.

A book that can be applied at all levels, with sound strategies that can be extrapolated to situations even beyond the scope of the book. And even though I place it at 8+, younger children can benefit from it too- as more and more, these things happen at a younger age in today's world.

The book has an accompanying journal that I'm sure the tooth fairy is currently considering. A journal full of quizzes, checklists and charts that I'm sure the child will enjoy working on with her own experiences.

Crossposted at Saffrontree.

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And while on the topic of standing up - here is my review on Women's Web of Warrior in a Pink Sari- an autobiographical account of Sampat Pal and her Gulabi Gang.

Trips, books, friends, anniversaries and much else

I haven't posted for a long time now: my previous two posts had been scheduled. I had been busy with a lot of things that needed my attention. Just a quick re-cap.

A went on an 8-day school trip in early October. This is the first time that we had stayed away from each other for so long. In a way it was harder on me than it was on her. Children look forward- their life is just beginning, and everything that happens is just a new and interesting thing that is welcomed with open arms. As the Lebonese poet-philosopher Khalil Gibran has said, "...their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams." It is so much tougher on us mothers- so difficult to let go. I coped by making a trip to Mumbai, to my parents' place.

There, I met the wonderful R's Mom. This was a long awaited meeting. I've been reading her work for many months now, bumping into her at many friends' blogs, but had connected with her as one book-loving-mommy-blogger to another quite recently. She was all that I had imagined and much more. We met at a mall near my parents' place, she being so sweet as to make the longer journey from her home. What began as a couple of hours' meeting in the morning stretched far beyond the afternoon as we yakked away, until our rumbling stomachs got us to go get some lunch. There was of course a bit of book-shopping thrown in.

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CROCUS 2012 has just ended, and has thrown up a wonderful mix of Math and Eco-Science books that are now added to my wish-list. It has been six wonderful years of Saffron Tree, of which I have been a contributor for the last two-and-a-half years. During CROCUS, we had sent out a call for book donations for a cause- for an NGO KRANTI that works for a marginalised section of society, children of sex-workers.

Speaking of anniversaries, PaperTigers has a wonderful10th anniversary giveaway: a drool-worthy set of books. Do visit them and check out how you can win these books for yourself / your library. The giveaway is open for entry until midnight PST of Saturday, 10th November.

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A few of my articles were published on Women's Web. An article on Handling Parenting Peer Pressure that speaks of the pressure parents feel when faced with anther's parenting style that somehow feels better or cooler. An article about 5 family rituals for diwali that could be fun times with the kids. And this review of a book that deals with a women's issue that is not unknown to urban women. Quoting:

"We are often led to believe in the myth of innocence and simplicity in rural life. Our movies and popular literature often perpetuate this myth; but P. Sivakami debunks it in The Taming Of Women.

A gritty, hard-hitting and relentlessly abrasive novel, the book is a very realistic portrayal of life in a village on the way to developing into a town. The violence is just below the surface, boiling over at times, and overwhelming the reader.

The book offers a striking insight into the minds of the women – who are often pitted against each other in their battle for supremacy, yet co-operate at the unlikeliest of places to stand up against the man who leaves no stone unturned to subdue them."

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One last thing before I conclude- November is celebrated internationally as Picture Book Month. You may want to check out the wonderful posts over at Zoe's blog Playing by the Book all through this month.

Do check out these lovely picture book giveaways there, too.

Even though our reading here has moved beyond picture books, there are a few classics that we keep revisiting. As also some newer ones that are still relevant. Do check out the stuff in your own book-shelves that is worth re-reading!

As I contemplate writing my 200th post...

...I think of all the things that have changed for me since I began blogging. It hasn't all been plain sailing: there have been many hiccups, but I've recovered, dusted off, and continued from where I had left off.

I have indulged in my first love- reading and writing- something that had almost been eclipsed by the passing of time and the nitty-gritties of everyday life.

I have re-visited many childhood favourites, some that I had almost forgotten about, and others that I just had to dust the surface of.

I have found another way of connecting with my fast-growing and book-discerning daughter. I had always read to her and with her through all these years...my blogging about the books we enjoy together has made me something of a hero in her eyes. Something that I'll always be thankful for and cherish.

Not just her, my nephews- my siblings' sons, to whom I was 'just the pesky aunt that visits every year', have of late been looking at me through new, respectful, eyes. It is almost as if I had suddenly become worth taking seriously. They're tweens, too: grown-ups begin to become persona non-grata beginning now. How refreshing for things to look the other way! Of course, I have to thank my ruminations about Harry Potter for that.

I have found new and wonderful friends past my 40s. Choxbox, Sangi, Starry, Veena, Zoe, the Saffrontree gang specially the mad momma, utbtkids, Artnavy, Vibha, Ranjani, Sheela and Arundhati. There are many others - bloggers and non-bloggers, both- Swapna, Subhashree, Suranga, Abha, Shankari (where are you?), Monika, IHM, R's Mom, TGND, Shruti, Simran, Rashmi, Aparna, Padmini,...some of whom I've met and others whom I've only ever interacted with online. Any names that I may have missed- consider yourself tagged. All of you have enriched my life in your own special way. Some of you have been pillars of strength when I needed it- you know who you are.

I've participated in some fun activities and competitions online, notable of which are the Tulika blogathons. Won some, lost some. A prestigious award on IHM's blog- this is something I cherish.

I've been a participant and raised my voice in some awesome drives- Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Month and Violence Against Women Awareness Month. One may call it armchair activism, but even that has its uses: and if that is all I can contribute, that is what I will.

You will find my work (other than this blog) at Saffrontree (my online family), Book Reviews, Zealot Readers, Women's Web and Mom's Diaries. Maybe in a small way at each place, but it's me.

I read the writing of all the aforementioned friends, and some more, as also the awesome stuff shared by every one of them. All of which has slowly pulled me out of the deep well I was in. I've learnt a lot from all of them, and hope to continue learning. My reading also has gone places, much more than it would have if I had  been just a reader.

I've challenged myself now and again, and have loved the experience. My writing, too, has evolved over the past two-and-a-half years, and I see the road opening in front of me.

Wish me luck as I end this 200th post. Looking forward to many more such posts where I can interact with like-minded friends. For you guys make it all worthwhile.

One more prize...

...won for an article on Womensweb. This was for their Friendship Story writing theme.

*gleefully browsing flipkart for a book to spend the Rs 200 gift voucher on*

Here's the article in full.


She did not have any friends who stayed near her house. Not a single school friend, nor anyone near her age, or sharing her interests. There were just her younger brothers, who according to her, were brats not to be seen around with.

At least, there were the cousins, who stayed a few buildings away. Something was better than nothing, so she decided they’d do, to hang around with. The cousins had a neighbour, an only child. This girl, a few years younger, latched herself onto her, becoming the proverbial Mary’s lamb!

They had nothing in common, not even their interests, but something clicked. Over the years, as the two girls grew up, the reasons for hanging out with the cousins dwindled, and those for spending evenings with the younger girl increased. They became a twosome and shunted the cousins out.

As the two friends grew up into adulthood, the natural gap of 7-odd years between them began to close. They were women, with totally different destinies, totally different career trajectories, but with complete understanding of each other’s minds. Life happened, and they lived in widely separated places, different time zones, even.

They were as different as chalk and cheese in their family lives as well, which could not have intersected at any points except the one which they both overlapped at. Their husbands never met each other, not by design, but just by chance. They each knew their wife’s friend well though, and each was always welcome to the other’s home.

Over two decades, they met maybe once or twice a year, but every time they met, it was as if they had never been apart. Each intuitively knew if the other was in any kind of trouble or difficulty, and it would be an eerie coincidence that they would try to contact each other just when a friend was needed.

Despite never being able to attend the major events in each other’s lives, they have been able to remain clued in to each other’s triumphs and troubles. If needed, one just has to reach out to find the other right there.

I am the older girl of the two, and this is the story of my friend M and me. A friendship between two completely dissimilar personalities, which has simply endured on love, loyalty, trust and understanding – through thick and thin.

Authored by a friend!

pic courtesy tulikabooks

Have You Seen This?
Text by Arthi Anand Navaneeth
Illustrated by Roomani Kulkarni
Published by Tulika books (bilinguals)
Ages 3+

I came home with A from her school bus-stop, and a parcel was waiting for me. I had a fair idea as to its contents, as I had been expecting my review copy from Tulika. The kid pounced on it when I told her what it was, and tore open the wrapping. There she stood, with her bag and shoes still on, giggling as she read through it!

Arthi Anand Navaneeth, Saffrontree’s own Artnavy, has brought us the wacky, the whimsical, the quirky, even the outlandish in this completely giggle-worthy book. A book bang-on in the premise of fiction, even fantasy- suspending disbelief, and even believing the unbelievable!

“A chair that jumps? 
A tree that flies? 
A crow that cooks?” 

A friend who came over read it to her 2 ½ year old in front of me, and his reaction was equally giggle-worthy. The child was transfixed, with his mouth open, and saying “Yes!”, “No!” : acting out some stuff and laughing out really loud at places. It was interesting to note what he said “Yes” to. Those were the ones he has seen as the anthropomorphised characters doing similar wacky things in other stories or on the TV. So these were clearly things that children around his age seemed to think were possible- spot on for the target age group of the book.

Illustrations by Roomani Kulkarni are a huge part of the book’s appeal. I did a search for this artist, who I had not heard of before, and I was amazed by some of her other work. In the book, the eye looks at a picture on a new page first, travelling next to the words which explains it all, just a single sentence on each page. The pair of children romping around the narrative reminded us for some reason of ET, the extra-terrestrial!

The book is the newest in the Tulika books' series of bilingual books, and ours was a Marathi-English combo, thoughtfully sent by Tulika and Arthi, as we speak Marathi at home. A had as much fun tripping over reading the Devnagari script that she has learnt in Hindi at school, and then smoothing out the prounciation into the familiar Marathi. Our personal favourite? The book that reads!:)

We're proud of you, Artnavy!

Crossposted at Saffrontree.

Of school, friends, and Woman-Fridays

It is now almost the end of our second week of back-to-school. We are thrilled to be one grade up, and the children of the earlier grade seem like little kids. A la first chapters from any of Enid Blyton's school stories- "she couldn't believe how little the first formers seemed to her now!"

A fresh new year means a new set of the uniform, new books, new classrooms, new class-teachers, new classmates, a new sitting arrangement, new rules, new extra-curriculars,...the list could go on.

We have a size issue with our uniform, as A falls into a size between the one assigned for her age, and the one below it. So we have to necessarily make do with a size a tad too large for a few months until the inevitable growth spurt combined with the (also inevitable) shrinkage of the fabric finally makes it fit over the second half of the year. I have a bone to pick with this year's set, though. What prompted the school to introduce formal trousers a certain grade onwards, when they already had such comfortable and serviceable track-pants till now? And why the change in the design of the skirt? The earlier one was smarter, IMO. And what's with the sweater in place of the jacket? Now one has to choose between shivering without it, or cooking with it, on days that are pleasantly cool. With the jacket, one could just put it on and keep it unzipped if it wasn't so cold. :(

The books seem interesting, with more focus on 'think and answer' and research oriented questions in the exercises. We recognised quite a few of the chapters and poems from the English books as excerpts from books we already have/ have read. Math is getting interesting now, as is science. There is certainly going to be more work this year, but it promises to be interesting. We just need to start focusing. Something that has been a work-in-progress for a long time now.

The problem of peers. That, too, has been a work-in-progress for a long time, now. As A tends to put it, she isn't cool enough for her peers, what with her propensity to prefer reading over all the other pursuits of the cool gang. We have a self-esteem issue here that we have been tackling for over half-a-decade now. Keeping fingers crossed.

Extracurriculars seem interesting with theatre and violin classes in the offing. As also the Indian classical vocals after school classes.

Reading? Yes, we plan to a lot of that this year too. Some of it as an adjunct to the curriculum, but most of it not.

Looking forward to a new year of learning and living life.

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Met UTBT, fellow blogger and a wonderful and hugely talented co-contributor at Saffrontree. Finally. This was her second visit to my city. Choxbox managed to meet her the first time she was here. I missed her then on account of the kid's birthday party.

She is an elfin lady, and every bit as lively and witty as she comes across online. Have just received a gift sent by her through flipkart. Seems like she has taken the hugo-mungous hint I gave here! The parcel was grabbed by both hands and ripped open immediately...

...and immediately browsed through!

Thank you, UTBT! We love the thoughtful gift! Cannot wait for the kid to come home from school and show it to her.

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My house-help had been ill for the past two weeks. She had been ill on-and-off for a couple of days at a time over the past two  months. I kept urging her to go to her doctor and get some treatment, to which she would say yes and ignore my advice. So this time when she became ill enough to not come for three days at a stretch (Amma is a dedicated, conscientious worker, who has been with me for many years now, and is my Woman Friday), I decided to take things into hand. I took her to the clinic we go to for minor maladies, one which has a reasonably well-equipped path lab.

After I spent a good half-hour acting translator between a Malayalam-Hindi-English speaking doctor and a Kannada-Telagu speaking Amma, miming some medical arguments my pidgin Kannada couldn't express, we got her to agree to a blood and urine test that she was mortally frightened of. The doctor gave her some tablets for symptomatic relief while we waited a day for the lab results.

Amma disappeared from the next day. There was no response to my phone calls to her home- the phone consistently happened to be 'out of reach'. Finally, I made my way to her house, and found an Amma who was now asymptomatic, but very weak. Her lab results and the doctors diagnosis mandated a course of antibiotics- it was a low-grade infection, that nevertheless popped up intermittantly, and was curable by a suitable course of antibiotics: an opinion with which I concurred.

Amma just could not be convinced as to the need for further medication. After all, she no longer had the symptoms, though still weak from hypoglycemia as she had not eaten properly over the last few days due to a lack of appetite and fear of throwing up. I finally made her see sense after enlisting the help of two other ladies at whose homes she works as well as at mine. We now see that she has her morning dose at my place, as she eats lunch here, and hope that she has the other dose at home after dinner! Doing some of her work myself for some time, until she has recovered completely!

Again, fingers crossed. I owe much of my free time to her attention to my home.

Of friends and books

Spent Valentine's day lunching with friends- Choxbox, Sangi and Starry, who have somehow over the period of the past two years metamorphosed from blog-pals to dear friends. Who know me. Who I know will not refrain from pushing me to do what I should be doing, what is right. Keep at it, ladies. Thanks for believing enough in me to nag. Much appreciated. I need it so much to overcome my inertia.

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February 14th was also the International Book Giving Day, a day to pass on new & used books to friends, relatives, strangers, your schools, libraries, or a favourite charity. Pass on the love of reading and books. A perfect day to celebrate. Check out what one of my favourite book bloggers, Zoe, did for this day.

Me? I gave a copy of one of my favourite Enid Blyton books, House at the Corner, to a very special boy. This book is partially autobiographical, as Blyton has taken many situations from her own experience of childhood in a dysfunctional family. The closest she has come in her fiction to her reality. This relatively unknown book by her is a must-read for anyone who enjoys her work.

I have also put together quite a few books to give away to A's school library.

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Here's to friends- those that we choose to be with- with two books having very different potrayals of friendship.

When I asked A to recommend the first book that came to her mind about friends and friendship, she promptly said- "Winnie-the-Pooh."

Contrary to the image of Pooh Bear, the Bear of Very Little Brain, as the fiefdom of very small children (no thanks to the Disney version of Pooh), Pooh belongs to everyone from 0-adulthood.

Winnie the Pooh / The House at Pooh Corner

Written by A. A. Milne

Illustrated by E. H. Shepard

Published by Puffin / Dutton books

Ages: 4+ read-aloud, 8+ read-alone

These stories are a labour of love- written by an indulgent father for his son Christopher Robin Milne, and featuring his collection of toys. I'm sure most parents would have at some point in time made up stories for their own children, with them featuring large in them.

As variegated a collection of friends as possible, staying in the wonderfully named Hundred-Acre-Wood. Muddleheaded Pooh with just one thing on his mind- food. A scaredy-cat Piglet, who can be the most courageous at times. A very Bouncy Tigger, who makes everyone want to 'unbounce' him at times. Rabbit, who can take his workaholic and irritating ways to limits at times, but has his heart in the right place. Wise Owl, who everyone goes to when in need of some timely help. Kanga- affectionate, yet a stickler for discipline- the perfect mother figure. Grumpy Eeyore, who seems dry on the outside, but a softie inside. Roo- the littlest one of the lot, who gets into many scrapes with the irrepressible Tigger.

A. A. Milne, though, contrary to what the books lead us to believe, was not a hands-on father to his son. He was usually absent from active bringing up of the boy, and the tales he has woven were around Christopher's escapades that his mother would narrate to her husband. If the stories are so wonderful, imagine how much more so they would have been, if Milne were to be physically there to take part in these.

A case for a father's involvement in child-care! 

A suggestion- by all means, watch the Disney versions, but read the books to enjoy the gentle humour and wonderful characterisation. There is no substitute.

Lord of the Flies

Written by William Golding

Published by Faber & Faber

Ages: 15+

A chillingly dystopian book, whose writer, William Golding was awarded the Nobel prize for literature.

Set during WW2, a plane carrying children evacuating to a safe place crashes on an unknown island. The pilot, the only adult, is killed. The children are left to fend for themselves. What begins as an adventure (reminding one eerily of the Enid Blyton adventures where only children feature) slowly but relentlessly descends into a primitive desire for power and survival.

None of the children, except those in a choir group, have ever met each other before. Unlikely friendships are forged; those seemingly most like each other ending up bitter enemies, not even stopping at murder. Again, a diverse group of characters, who bond and repel in the most unexpected ways. With echoes of the cat-eat-rat mentality seen in many of today's children. Friendships gone wrong. Survival of the fittest.   

Image courtesy flipkart. Crossposted at Saffrontree.    

Friends, birthdays and gollus

The kid is safely back at school! So what did we do during these hols?

Attended in all 3 birthday parties. We were all invited as a family to all three, so they were family outings of a sort.

The first was at Gerry Martin Farm. Enjoyable as always. It was Gerry's mother-in-law's 60th birthday. She is a good friend in the complex, as is her daughter, Gerry's wife Yamini.

The next too was at a farmhouse we have been to earlier. Geese Haven is a wonderful farmhouse and homestay just an hour's drive from home, near the Art of Living centre on Kanakpura road. It was A's best friend in the complex, W's birthday. Her mother Jamie had arranged a fun treasure hunt for the kids, which is always a good idea at a place like this.

The third was at my dear friend P's home, her daughter's 11th birthday. We were 6-7 families, all close friends of P. Her cooking is yummy, and as usual we had a wonderful time.

It being Navratri time, there were of course the gollus to visit, as also many kanya-poojas. We were invited to a total of 8 gollus, of which we managed to make it to 6. Actually, I found it a bit unbelievable that this year was just the second time in all my years in Bangalore that I actually went for a gollu! Must thank the blogosphere for that.

Some gollus we visited.

Pic- Artnavy's album

Artnavy's. We had been invited here last year too, but could not make it. Made it a point to go there this year. 

Art had made some yummy payasam that we enjoyed. A and Anush hugged like long-lost sisters and promptly sat down to a spot of artwork- a picture of the Devi mask to be coloured. It had been Aditi's birthday just the week before, and we had not been able to be there for the party, so I had carried a book as a gift. Aditi was thrilled. She sat down cross-legged next to me with the book on her lap, and insisted that 'Aditi read.' I thought she wanted me to read aloud to her, but she demurred. 'Aditi read' meant exactly that. She sat there, turning pages, moving her finger down the text, making 'reading' sounds. It was so hilarious! 

Pic from Sangi's blog

The other notable gollu we visited was at Sangi's lovely home. Visiting Sangi, along with a visit to the famed kilo bookstore, has been long on the to-do list. The kilo book store has been postponed to another date (say when, Sangi. After diwali?) but the gollu was an iron-clad excuse to go over to her new place. It is a dream house, built at many levels, full of natural light, the woods peeping in - there is a wonderful wood-jasmine tree bending over the balcony, showering the balcony with its flowers, and bringing in the fragrance every time a breeze blows in. Went there with Choxbox and her brood (another reason to do this- what A wouldn't give to spend the day with her dear friend, Choxbox's FB, and of course, LB) and had a fab time. Great company, great conversation, lovely coffee, and of course, Loopy! Checked out the book shelf, but forgot the potter's wheel.

There were some gollus we couldn't make it to. Sorry Swapna. Next year! Also wanted to visit the gollu at Dhaatu, which Choxbox has been raving about. It is on till the 21st of October, 3-8pm, so we still have a chance of going. Should certainly try to make it.

Honorable mention under the gollus- the one put up by Choxbox's LB, and to which we were so lovingly invited.



Soft toy and doll gollu at Choxbox's

Pic from Google Images
Search "Diwali killa"

There were three more that we made it to- two in the complex, and one at another of A's friend's home. All of them transported me back to Diwali celebrations of my childhood, when we would make mud and rock forts (Killas- similar to complex sand castles). Work on these would start a week or so before diwali, and we would sow mustard and coriander seeds on it to depict the crops and plants. Toy soldiers on foot and horseback, farmer dolls, domestic and wild animal dolls would be placed at strategic points to complete a picture of the rural lands of Shivaji's time. The fort would be complete with a flag on the top, and would be lighted up by diwali lamps during the festival. Just like the navratri gollus, we would visit each other's houses to see the forts. We have these every diwali at my parents' place- now it is made by my nephew and niece!

Of course there were many play-dates through the holidays- either A had to go to a friend's place, or the gang would descend on our house.

We also watched some long-awaited movies-- something that we do not have much time for during school days. So we watched 'Gods must be Crazy 1 & 2,  'Born Free', 'Beautiful People', 'Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs', and re-runs of Harry Potter, all on DVD.

Books- of course, again. Any free time A had, she picked up a book. I've lost track of all those she devoured.

We also engaged in some mother-daughter cooking sessions, and every day she would decide what she wanted for dinner, and we would proceed to cook it together. A surprised her father one day with a breakfast of aloo paratha, nicely stuffed and rolled out round! I would, of course do all the work at the gas.

All this hectic activity was tempered by holiday homework, among which is a detective story written by her, inspired by a chapter in the curriculum from Emil and the Detectives. Needless to say, the book, too was read- at one sitting. (Thanks, Chox!)

And now, we look forward to a new term at school.

Review- On My Honor

Pic courtesy goodreads.com

On My Honor
Written by Marion Dane Bauer
Published by Yearling books, an imprint of Random House Children's books.
Ages: 8-12, 12+

Peer pressure. Everyone faces it, children more so. It looms large in their small world, often leading to literally life-and-death situations.

Twelve year old Joel and Tony are 'best friends', very different in temperament, often squabbling and bickering, but inseparable.

Tony- exuberant, fun-loving, risk-taking, with a devil-may-care attitude. Joel, the more cautious of the two, introspecting, sensitive to undercurrents in a situation, a foil for Tony.

On the way to a cliff-climbing trip, (which Joel had earlier tried to wriggle out of, hoping his father would not give him permission to go), the irrepressible Tony had decided he wanted to go swimming in the river instead. The turbulant, treacherous Vermillion river, known for its rapids. Inspite of having promised his father 'on his honor', that he would not do anything dangerous, Joel falls for the bait when Tony accuses him of being over-cautious.

"Sometimes, Bates, you sound just like your old man."
Joel could feel the heat flooding his face. "What's wrong with that?"
" 'Be careful in that tree, son,' " Tony mimicked, " 'you might get hurt. Watch Bobby when he crosses the street. Those drivers never pay any--' "
Joel had been moving closer to Tony as he spoke, and now he gave him a hard shove.

Tony keeps needling Joel, driven by bravado and dare-devilry, goading him to challenge Tony to a swimming race to a sandbar a hundred yards away. With terrible consequences.

Peer pressure. Wanting to fit in. Misplaced confidence. A sense of being indestructible. A devil-may-care attitude. Inability to lose face. Unwillingness to be perceived as a 'coward' when being just sensible and careful. A recipe for disaster?

Marion Dane Bauer has written a fast-paced, racy, but sensitively told story based on a real incident that happenned in the town where she grew up, at the very same place as described in the book. A very short, 90 page book that is very hard-hitting.

Bauer's potrayal of Joel's effort to get out of what is very clearly a fool-hardy venture, without losing face- first hoping that his father would not give his permission, then trying to make Tony see sense is very realistic. It happens ever so often in our own kids' peer-group. The disaster comes on unexpectedly, chillingly, with everything else seemingly the same, unchanged.

The potrayal of Joel's survivor guilt is heart-wrenching. The disbelief, denial, anger, dissociation, grief, a desire to hide, not face the parents, an obsessive 'washing-off of the stench of the river', are powerfully written. It helps, that his father is understanding, trying to help him let go of the paralysing, mind-numbing grief.

The wracking sobs flowed out of him like water.
His father held him for a long time, saying nothing, until Joel's tears came without sound and his breaths were quivering gasps. Even then, his father held him.
"Do you believe in heaven?" he asked at last. "Do you believe Tony's gone there?"
"I don't suppose anybody knows," his father answered gently, "what happens after...I believe there's something about life that goes on. It seems too good to end in a river."

It is a Newbery Honor winner, 1987, and the William Allen White Childrens' book award winner, 1989. A wonderfully written book, that chills me on each reading. Given a thumbs-up by A.

Crossposted at Bookreviews and Saffrontree.

Our Great Mumbai Holiday plus

So the kid is off to school, and as Starry so succintly puts it: the chains are off! First time in 2 months that I have managed to sit down in front of my laptop without someone wanting my attention.

So what did we do in the holidays? Quite a list.

Attended a super Carpentry workshop at Hippocampus, our library, run by a dear friend. We have a working model of a sun-dial, and a toy aeroplane to show for it. Thoroughly enjoyed by A.

Went to Mumbai after a very long 2 years, visiting parents and in-laws.

Sisters-in-law (2 of them) and I carted the kids (4 boys aged 12-17 years and A) over to the over 200 year old Shree Siddhivinayak temple  in Prabhadevi, which is believed to grant wishes to devotees. It is a favoured place to visit for those who revere Ganesha/ Ganapati- the elephant headed god of learning, who is also believed to remove obstacles from one's life, and is invoked as 'Shree' before undertaking anything of importance.

Also visited the Mahalakshmi temple in Worli, which is built right next to the sea, with the waves breaking on its walls at high tide. The sea fascinated A more than anything else, as the last time we saw the sea was the North sea off Scotland when she was just 3, and she doesn't have any memory of it.

Went shopping with the entire gang (ladies and kids only) to Crawford Market built by the British in 1869 after travelling by the mumbai local trains. A was horrified by the crowd, the rush, and the chaos of both, but enjoyed the outing with her cousins.

Also checked out the extremely high end and absolutely unaffordable Palladium mall and the adjacent High Street Phoenix mall at the place where the famed Phoenix mills- cotton mills- were situated. The only place there that we could even think of buying something was the absolutely enormous Landmark, which had such a wide range of books that I could not do justice in terms of browsing. Picked up a few titles there- but of course. It was literally like getting into Alladin's cave for both A and I, and I plan to make a visit to just that one store on a later visit to Mumbai.

Made a family trip to the absolutely wonderful Tikuji-ni-wadi with brother and his family- A now had two cousins, my nephew aged 11 and niece aged 5 with her. It is very near the city, a few kilometers from my parents' house, but it is like stepping into another time zone. Of course there are the rides and the water parks that were fun for the kids, but the part I enjoyed most were that there was a sprawling chickoo orchard, with village style cots scattered around on which we could relax after a morning of activity and just chill. Which the sister-in-law and I did, as the brother took the kids off for rides. The food is very ordinary, though, just routine noodles-pizza-sandwich-chelpuri-other chaats stuff, not very inspiring. I was hoping for a homestyle gujju spread, and was much disappointed.

Immersed myself in many things marathi-

Typical food cooked by my mother- pithla bhakri, ambadichi bhaji, puraN poLi, kadhigoLe, waTli daL, waraNphaL, shrikand (home made) puri, and most of all, alphonso mango in many avataars. I even picked up aambawadi (a burfi like preparation from mango pulp), aambapoLi (alphonso pulp put out on plates and sundried), phaNaspoLi (made from jackfruit pulp), aambyacha satha (just a lump of dehydrated alphonso pulp).

I also picked up the all important Goda Masaala which is an important and indispensible ingredient of maharashtrian cuisine, and which is unfortunately not available anywhere. At least I have never found it. It is a difficult masaala to make at home, as it has many ingredients and is quite labour intensive. Something I have been too lazy to make at home, as my mother and grandmother always did.

pic courtesy lokvani.com

Took A to many Marathi theatre performances for children. The most notable of which was Durga Zali Gauri, a dance drama, which moves forward only in song and dance. A loved it, and we heard nothing but those songs for a few days. It is comparable to Agatha Christie's play "Mousetrap", in that it has been running to a full house for the last 29 years, and its popularity shows no sign of abating. Unfortunately, it has still not been released on DVD, but I picked up an audio CD at the time of the performance. Something I would recommend to any theatre lover visiting Mumbai during the summer vacations. Performances are only then, as the children acting in it are free at the time. I spoke to Arun Kakade, the person behind it all, about having shows in Bangalore. He was interested, and told me that he had spoken to some people here about it, but that the logistics of transporting a 50+ troupe of dancers, housing them, almost all children, was daunting. Our loss!

I went for a few Marathi theatre performances too- two of which were written by the noted playwright, Sai Paranjpye, better known outside of Maharashtra for her sensitively made movies like Katha, Chashhme Baddoor and Sparsh. Also saw a few Marathi movies- some on DVD and one in theatres- the newly released Bal Gandharva which is a biographical film based on the life of one of Marathi's greatest and pioneering singers, and actor Narayan Shripad Rajhans, better known by his alter-ego : Bal Gandharva.

On DVD, saw quite a few. Am convinced that regional movies have a lot more to offer on realistic and well made movies- of an extremely high calibre as compared to the staple bollywood fare. I can probably count those bollywood films that impressed me in the last five years on the fingers of my hand. I do not really know much about regional films in other Indian languages, but going by those that are aired on LokSabha channel, there are quite a few world-class movies being made. When will bollywood wake up and smell the celluloid?

Anyway, the ones I saw this time-

Rita, based on the book of the same name by renowned marathi writer Shanta Gokhale- it is the story of Rita Welingkar, the eldest of three daughters, who starts working at an early age when her no-good father loses his job, and pretty much becomes the parent for her sisters, inspite of having both her parents alive. On the way she gets into a relationship with her much older and much-married-with-kids boss. The movie captures very well Rita's struggle to make things more meaningful in her life- wonderfully played by Pallavi Joshi.

Mee Sindhutai Sapkal (I, Sindhutai Sakpal) based on her autobiography named Mee Vanvasi (I, the exiled), is the story of a poor woman born in rural Maharashtra- pulled out of school and married off at age 12 to a man more than twice her age, and her struggle for a life of dignity. She is thrown out by her husband, pregnant, near term, with her third child, on a false charge of infidelity. This is the story of how she stands up in dignity, not just for herself, but for the rights of many more of the downtrodden, establishing 5 orphanages in the process, and travelling to the US on invitation to raise funds. Sindhutai, or Mai as she is known, is a living legend, doing her work even today. Wonderful performances by the actors, the movie may be seen just for the underplayed performance of Tejaswini Pandit, who plays the protagonist in her youth, her real life mother, Jyoti Chandorkar playing the elderly Mai.

Went to a few book exihibitions exclusively for Marathi books. Found out that many of our favourite Tulika books are been published by Jyotsna Prakashan, a well known publishing house of Marathi children's books, at a fraction of the price, with full credits to Tulika's copyright.. Was thrilled on finding them. Picked up a lot of Marathi books for A and for myself. Now that she knows the Devanagari script, common to both Marathi and Hindi, A can read simple books on her own. Am really thrilled about it.

It goes without saying that both A and I read a lot of books including Harry Potter 6, which we will be finishing in a day or two. To be followed by book 7, so that we will be all set for the last movie due in mid-July.

Ate at a lot of interesting restaurants many times with family and friends, too many too enumerate. The high point was a small place where we ate home-style Malwani food. Yum!

Met a lot of my old friends after a loooooonnnngggg time.

Also met a new friend, Ugich Konitari, a wonderful blogger whose posts I love for the clear headed analysis of so many different things, done with a wry sense of humour. She has written a whole post here about our meeting. We met midway between our houses, and had lunch together at a mall where we even had icy cold gola for dessert. She was exactly as I had visualised her, and much more. It was lovely meeting you, Ugich.

Chilled out totally over our trip, and was back home with a few weeks to spare before school re-opened. Soon after we were back, A had her birthday party.

And we made mango pickle at home- A helped in lot in the process.

We also had a long awaited meet of Saffrontree members from Bangalore at Artnavy's lovely home.

Then there were the usual round of dentist, doctor, etc., shopping for school, and here we are. School has started!

A birthday-- we are now in double digits!

I can't let the month of May slip away without a post! I have been away all month, but all about that later. A had a birthday this month, and I can't let THAT go unrecorded.

It has been 10 years now since I first set eyes on a warm, wriggly bundle with a shaggy mop of hair which was considering me seriously (It was an emergency caesarian and I was sedated enough to have fallen into a deep sleep soon after I heard her cry and the obstetrician, who is a friend, told me that I had a beautiful girl baby. So I saw her after she was all cleaned and wrapped up!)  with the biggest black eyes I've yet to see on a baby.

It has been a wonderful decade of motherhood, and there have been good times and bad times, none of which I would exchange for anything in the world, all memorable. I would have loved to hold on to all the moments and feel sad that they have to grow up so soon. How time flies!

As usual, my preparations started well in advance, before school closed for the vacation. I asked A to make a list of guests she wanted to invite, and to get relevant phone numbers (I had quite a few as most mothers are good friends) and email IDs. That took a few days, considering her friends are spread over different classes, as also some who are not from school.

Next I checked with the mothers if they were here in the vacations, and got a tentative headcount, as I had to give my caterer a fair idea of the numbers. Then for a theme and place. A and I were sure of one thing, we wanted someplace outdoors. "Something like a picnic, Aai!"

Our first choice was the Martin Farm but it was not available on the date we wanted. Then I considered the the Birthday Nature Walk that Starry had had for her daughter's birthday, but she had hers in January, with a more friendly sun, something that could be troublesome in May. Then a friend from my complex suggested a place that was owned and run by another friend of hers.

Bang in the middle of the city, behind Manipal hospital, was a playschool called The Green Pocket which also holds summer camps, and rents it out for birthdays, with a list of activities that one could choose from. The lady who runs it, Anahita Cooper, is really sweet and helpful, and we hit it off from the word go. But what clinched it for me was that the moment I stepped in there, I heard cuckoos in the chickoo orchard and a rooster crowing loudly, transporting me back to summers of childhood spent at our native place playing in mango orchards by little brooks with the only sounds those of birds and monkeys in the trees, bullocks lowing in fields nearby and the chatter of all us children.

A clump of green

So 'The Green Pocket' was on, a tentative headcount was done, and I had a talk with Mallika, the caterer who has catered for all A's birthdays, except the one when she was 8, when I had a cooking party, and the children made their own pizzas, and we gave away aprons as return gifts.

After that, it was all long distance, as we shifted base to Mumbai for 5 weeks of the vacation (will soon do a post on all the fun we had there- kept seriously offline for most of the time) and we were due back just 2 days before the birthday. So phone calls to all guests were made from there.

Then followed last minute phone calls and mails to Mallika and Anahita, for all the details. Return gifts had been bought and packed before leaving for Mumbai. So all we had to do was bake the cake (She wanted me to bake it this year. Some of our guests do not eat egg. So we decided to make an eggless, maida-less wholewheat flour cake- satisfied my yearning for healthier options wherever possible.)



Kids on a treasure hunt

The kids ran riot. There was a treasure hunt organised and conducted by Anahita, and a visit to PetStepin, a pet care centre next doors, for those who loved animals. There were dogs, and rabbits to pick up and feed, and of course, the rooster. There were huge mango trees laden with raw and ripening mangoes, with tire swings hanging by sturdy ropes. There was a tree house to climb up onto. There were scores of chickoo, sitaphal and mango trees laden with fruit, and some of those delicious, mini gooseberries, what we call raiawala  in marathi. There were also squirrels, running around quite used to having children around them. The children were strictly told NOT to feed any animals, except for the rabbits, and even those were to be fed the leaves that were provided. They loved it all!

Petting animals at PetStepin

Then we had cucumber-and-cheese sandwiches, pizzas made on whole wheat bases, boiled corn with salt and butter, (the ubiquitous) chips from Hot Chips and cake. And of course, the ice lollies. These were unlimited, and I was proud of A for resisting them! (She had been a bit unwell for some days, and had been asked to keep off the ice lollies.)

Anahita had earlier asked me to send her a photo of A, and she had made a Happy Birthday banner using it, on which all the guests could write their message. That is going to be a prized possession. Especially as one of the girls who wrote on it (and drew horns on A's picture, which were later made into a tiara!) is a special friend, and is moving to another school, and will be sorely missed.

All friends who were invited came, except for one very close friend W, who is out of town, and was sorely missed. And the gifts- people have been very thoughtful while gifting, and we have a rope ladder from Sutradhar (no prizes for guessing who gave that!), a pair of adjustable skates, gift vouchers to book shops (but of course!) an architectural kit (from Artnavy) an amazing board game based on the Harry Potter series, called CLUE, and much more.

Return gifts? We picked up folders from Gurjari, embroidered beautifully in their characteristic style, with each child's name painted along the edge by A. And of course, folders couldn't be given empty- so each one contained a book that the particular child may enjoy- again picked by A. And just books for some younger kids.

Next year- she has already told me- she will be doing everything from the planning stage onwards. I need to only facilitate her plans.

Sure, sweetheart! And may you have many more!

Collateral damage?!!

Last thursday, I got a call from a friend, Choxbox, who had an incredible request for me. She had been entrusted to set up a library for an orphanage, by her husband's office under their CSR scheme. And we had - hold your breath - close to half a lakh rupees to buy books, and just two days left to do it. She had already done one day's worth of book-shopping, and would I be interested in going book shopping with her for the next two days?

Would I be able to do what? As they say in hindi- "Neki aur poochh poochh?" (translated loosely- why ask if something good can be done? Just go do it!)

So I put anything else I wanted to do on hold, and joined her post-haste to do some book browsing and shopping. True food for the soul! And boy, did we have fun!

Choxbox is one person I love going out book-shopping with. Our tastes are so similar, and we always learn so much together. I would credit her completely with my discovery of Michael Morpurgo, a wonderful writer I had not earlier encountered.

So there we were. We went to Sutradhaar, a book shop belonging to an uncle of Chox, who gave us some chocolates along with our bill for the books, and of course, Landmark, on the next day. At Landmark, we had the kids along too, my one and her two. They were as thrilled to be able to spend some time together at their favourite place- a book shop, as we were. They sat in a row on the stools, browsing and reading, and just having plain fun, while the mommies did the same. Any guesses on who made the more noise? The mommies of course!

And how can one be expected to visit a book shop for the express purpose of book shopping, and not pick up stuff for oneself. As Chox rightly put it, the collateral damage was to be expected. So what did I pick up? Here's the list.

1. Amazing India- A state-by-state guide. Anita & Amit Vachharajani. Scholastic.
2. Math Alive series. Set of 6. Brainworks.
3. Explosive Tales for children. Conn Iggulden Tollins. Harper Collins children's books.
4. Under the Poetree. Lakshmi Shanker. Virgin Leaf books.
5. Aladdin and the Enchanted Lamp Retold by Phillip Pullman. Scholastic.
6. Travellers of India. Amar Chitra Katha.
7. Usborne Young Reading-
    The Story of the Olympics.
    The Story of Football.
    Wuthering Heights.
    The Impressionists.
    The story of Toilets, Telephones & other useful inventions.
    The firebird.
    The Story of Slavery.
8. What is a Girl? What is a Boy? Kamla Bhasin. Jagori.
9. The Story of Physics. T. Padmanabhan. Vigyan Prasar.
10. Granny knits. Uri Orlev. NBT.
11. On the tip of a pin was... Geeta Dharmarajan. Katha.
12.A lion in Paris. Beatrice Alemagna. Katha.
13. The Story of Ram and his friends in the forest. Pratibha Nath. Rupa.
14. The invention of the Silicon Chip. Heinemann Library.

That's it. Along list, now that I look at it. Half of it already devoured.

About 5% spent as collateral damage. Next time, I should look for a sponsor, too!    

Of rain and book-shine

It's been really cold weather for the past few days now, and seems as though winter has already begun. Having been born and brought up in Mumbai, it took me quite a while to get used to the cooler winters here. In fact, I am one of those who feel extra cold on any given day, and need at least a thin coverlet on warmer nights on which others cannot sleep without a fan.

The cold these few days is more as a result of the rains, thanks to Cyclone Jal, not true winter yet, methinks. Sweaters, jackets and quilts have nevertheless come out, and it is purely by sheer willpower, and the thought of having to get the child ready on time for the school bus, that I can get out of a warm bed before daybreak, shivering as I take a handful of really cold tap water to rinse my face so that I wake up completely.

Uncharacteristically for Bangalore, it has been raining at all odd times. It is not usual to have rain mid-morning. Unlike in Mumbai, where it keeps raining 24/7 for almost all days of the monsoon, July being the worst. What is interesting is that Mumbai keeps going inspite of it, and on days when the lifeline of the city, the local trains, stop in their tracks because of the water-logging, the die-hard Mumbaikars find alternative ways of going about their business. It isn't called maximum city for nothing.

Two incidents stand out in my memory.

One July day, many years ago, it rained so much in Mumbai that the local trains were not working. I had to submit my admission forms for my graduate course that day. On enquiring, I learnt that rain or no rain, it had to be done that day. So I took buses to the place, and had to walk the last half kilometer or so through thigh high water. Equiped with my certificates wrapped securely in plastic (Imagine the loss if they had got damaged by water? Try telling that to an 18-something person who has no concept of the apparent mission impossible!) and nothing more than an umbrella to protect myself from the incessant rain, I proceeded to do what I needed to do. Never mind that it took me the entire day to get there in the crazy water-logged traffic, finish with the formalities, and come back home.

Second was when a friend's parents had come to Mumbai from a town in interior Maharashtra for the first time since she had married and come to Mumbai. They had come just before the monsoon season had begun. When the rains started in earnest around the 2nd-3rd week of June, they were astonished that she had to go to work as usual, rain notwithstanding. That aunty later told me that she thought her daughter would have a holiday since it rained so much and so continuously that day. She soon realised, however, that the incessant rain was not just for a day or two like in her native town, but would continue unabated, increasing in ferocity over the next 2-3 months, and daily life had to go on!

When I came to Bangalore, it took me awhile to get used to its rains too, just like I had to get used to the cold. To my Mumbai-acclimatised mind, the rains here were erratic, comimg in summer as well as winter. Also, a sunny morning was no guarantee that it would not become overcast towards the afternoon, and rain in the evening. Initially, I hated the fact that I could not get out in the evenings. Also, I could not get my mind around the fact that people hardly ever carried umbrellas here-which you'll still find me carrying. (I always carry one in my purse. True Mumbaikar at heart. Ready even in case of unexpected rains.) And, I could not get any rainy footwear like in Mumbai- which I would get from there every year.

Now, after 15 years in Bangalore, I have partially switched loyalties, and find Mumbai too sultry sometimes. After all, this is air-conditioned city. I carry that umbrella, get my rainy footwear available at Bangalore shoe-shops since the past few years, and do all I have to do during the mornings. The cold- well, have made great additions to my wardrobe with some excellent jackets, pullovers and cardigans. And am fine with wearing warm-wear during the day, too if necessary.

On a different note- am looking forward to meeting the Tulika team tomorrow at Mother Earth, where they will be releasing their new set of books based on stories from the Panchatantra.. Although their programme is in the evening, which I will not be able to attend thanks to a function at the daughter's school, I shall try to attend a session that they have in the morning. The books, reviewed here at Saffrontree, look yummy!

And looking forward to drooling over the glut of books at the Bangalore Book Festival which starts today! Will try to go during the following week.

Also looking forward to meeting some old and new blogging friends next week.

Come rain or shine!

Edited to add on Nov 14th: Went to the release of the Tulika books yesterday. The team were very warm and welcoming, just as I had visualised them to be. Had a chance to attend an awesome performance by the inimitable Jeeva Raghunath as she told the story from one of the books which has been re-told by her.