Of gendered tales

An article of mine, titled The Barbification of India has recently been published on Womensweb. What is it about?

For the past couple of years, my daughter has been struggling a lot with this business of what’s cool and what’s not, as far as my daughter’s peers are concerned: it had been proclaimed cool to be in the know about the latest movies, television programmes, Bollywood actors, pop singers, pop teen idols and Gangnam style - not necessarily in that order - along with sporting those Hannah Montana tees and neon tights. One child actually had a beach scene complete with figures lolling around in bikinis in as cake decoration in a beach themed party for her birthday. One can imagine the messages being given to these children. Yes, they are children at 11-12 years, never mind the self-possession and worldly airs. By these standards, my book-loving child, who has more sober tastes in music, clothes and everything else, who does not consider dancing to 'Sheila ki Jawani' as particularly desirable and who does reasonably well at academics is labelled uncool, a nerd!

These are the same peers whose idols were Barbie and the Disney Princesses not so long ago. Barbie might have been originally a teen icon for feminists at a time (the late 50s) when most women were not expected to step out of the home for a career, but over time it has evolved into a feminist’s worst nightmares. For one, the demographics have changed from teens to pre-teens; sometimes even younger. With her impossibly top-heavy figure (if extrapolated to adult female size, the measurements of 36-18-38 are near impossible in real life), long slim legs and vacuous sexuality, Barbie sends a skewed body image message to girls who buy into the unhealthy eating patterns that this propagates. A friend’s 7 year old refuses to eat fruits because her peers say they will make her fat.

To top it all, most Barbies come with accessories, clothes and domestic items in pepto-bismol shades of pink and purple that has spawned an entire parallel range of girls’ merchandise in similar colours complete with glitter and bling. Since the past few years, Barbie is available in India in an Indian avatar, complete with traditional Indian costumes, families, and the 'great Indian Culture'.

Most of these problems are shared by the Disney Princesses. A brain-child of Disney’s marketing executive Andy Mooney at the beginning of this century, it was a masterstroke of franchise that spawned a multimillion-dollar industry in dolls, clothes, accessories and other merchandise, a model that manufacturers for children have repeated over and over again with many other popular fictional characters. Considering the cool quotient of the movies, television shows and such, this was a shrewd business move.

Pink for girls and blue for boys! This polarisation by gender ensures double the sales for companies with vested interests. Younger children playing with toys originally targeted towards an older group has also created a demand for clothes unsuitable for that age. As utbtkids, a fellow blogger puts it, “if you are looking for non-pink, non-Disney characters, slightly loose, appropriate clothing, something that will withstand the running and climbing, and something that is not a mini version of adult clothing you might as well grow your own cotton and weave your own clothes.” Boys, too, suffer due to these brand and franchise excesses. A neighbour refuses to let her one year old son associate with anything even remotely considered feminine, in his clothes or choice of toys. Everything has to be only in shades of ‘manly’ colours, and aggressively in the realm of the ‘boyish’!

Most people see nothing wrong with girls playing ‘house’ with dolls, dressing up, having idols that promote domestication along with a sexualised self-image, and boys, at the other end of the spectrum, being encouraged to be sporty, playing ‘out there’, indulging in large motor activities geared towards being powerful. It is perceived as perfectly natural. They couldn’t be more wrong.

Children’s play always reinforces cultural messages, as they learn patterns of behaviour through it. Peggy Orenstein, social psychologist and author of Cinderella Ate My Daughter, puts it wonderfully well: “At issue, then, is not nature or nurture but how nurture becomes nature: the environment in which children play and grow can encourage a range of aptitudes or foreclose them. So blithely indulging — let alone exploiting — stereotypically gendered play patterns may have a more negative long-term impact on kids’ potential than parents imagine.” 

************************************************

Also check out my review of the first part of Amruta Patil's retelling of the Mahabharat: Adi Parva, a feminist view, also on Womensweb. A wonderful book.

Balancing Act - Working Mom or SAHM?

It all began with the many conversations with Choxbox over these things. Then Starry wrote this piece which discussed if it it really was a choice - being a WM or SAHM.

So when I came across this book, I immediately picked it up.

pic credit flipkart

Balancing Act
Written by Meera Godbole Krishnamurthy
Zubaan-Penguin publication

Tara Mistri is a high-achieving student, professionally trained, all set on an upward career graph, when along comes marriage, children, and everything that comes with it. Husband earns well enough for the family, making it essentially unnecessary for her to go out and earn a living. Unless you count her dissatisfaction with it all. A feeling of not being with it all that sets in.

Tara has a personal Yakshi (yuk-she, as she sometimes calls her) who keeps hounding her, chipping away at her defensiveness of the situation. Now don't we all have our own personal Yakshis? That little voice that niggles away at our conscience, making us hear home truths, whether we recognise them or not? Anyway, I digress.

Now Tara has had a few years away from the 'real world', as everyone around her puts it. Ennui has set in. Although she loves her children to bits, and wouldn't want to exchange her time with them for anything, there has been something of the soul-destroying in the cloistered existence she has been leading. This is more so because people- extended family, friends and acquaintances alike think she is being the 'good housewife'- making it seem like a situation out of her control. So why is she still at home? It feels as if it is to fulfil some role-model destiny that she has no say in. She feels as if everyone pities her, views her with a thinly disguised contempt for just 'letting go' and 'going with the flow'. It comes to a point where she feels patronised even by her extremely supportive husband and her dearest friend, a careerist woman who has no intentions of 'settling down to domesticity'.

What does Tara do about it? Does she manage to silence the annoying Yakshi? How does she deal with the feeling of inadequacy that colours everything she does and every relationship in her life? What about the demon of 'societal expectations'? Does she end up on a path chalked out for her by others' expectations, her own boulder on the shoulder, or does she carve out her own way? Is the choice finally made for her, or does she choose it herself? What, finally, is this path she walks on, and how does that affect things?

Balancing Act is a book worth reading, by anyone who has had to question the why of what she is doing with her life? Career woman? Stay-at-home-mom? I was not completely convinced as to her reasons for choosing what Tara finally did, but at least it was her choice, weighed against the road not taken.

Further, the book is not just about the pros and cons of working outside the home or not. It is also a search for identity. Of who we are, what we want from life in the broader sense, in the micro sense. Our place under the sun. Balancing the intricacies of relationships- spouse, mother, friend, daughter- and demanding that the counterparts in turn take a hard look at how they relate to you. A feminist viewpoint.

We, as women, have far more choices in our lives than our mothers had. How we exercise those choices so that we can have a fulfilling life, is what this book is all about. It is an engrossing read. There were some places that made me think, introspect; keep the book down for a while.

A book that must be read, so relevant to the current tug-of-war between working moms and stay-at-home-moms. Thanks, Starry and The Mad Momma for the links.

**************************************************

As an aside, or rather as a logical continuation of the thought process here, it is all about what you choose. We are often not given access to choices, or we are presented with choices that are not real choices at all. Even more dangerously, sometimes we have an illusion of having a choice, or of actually choosing what we want, when society decides what you may or may not have an opinion on. A fool's paradise of sorts. It usually is a happy state of matters for the person, as they do not realise that they are being duped.

As the saying goes- 'Suraj nikale, tab savera'- all about new beginnings and second chances. It is when one makes informed choices, without being told they cannot choose this or the other option, that there is real peace to be found. Which sometimes seems like a long, long way away. Far on the horizon. But real, not a mirage!

A right to her own self

She is born a woman.

When will her birth be celebrated without any reservations?

Will she ever be able to decide for herself?

Will she ever be free to walk out on the streets without strategizing:
Should I go?
Need I go?
Am I dressed right?
Will I be considered respectable enough?
Is the time OK to go out?
Is it safe for me to be out?
Which way will be safe?
How fast do I need to go to reach a safe place?

When will she be taken seriously?

Will the world ever realize that a no means a NO?

Will she ever be able to universally claim her right to an education?

Will she ever be able to express her thoughts and feelings without worrying about being ridiculed for it or about who might get angry over it?

Will she ever be able to live to her full potential without having to dumb down to conform to others' expectations of her?

Will she ever be able to be true to herself without being apologetic or being made to feel guilty about wanting to be herself?

Will she ever be able to see herself as a human being first, without the epithets of mother, daughter, sister, wife, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, granddaughter, nurturer, care-taker, house-keeper, cook, whore, entertainer? Will the world ever be able to?

Will she be able to perceive her self through filters other than those of fair, dark, fat, thin, short, tall, beautiful, ugly, black, white, yellow, brown? Will the world ever be able to?

Will she ever be considered a human being, with human wants, wishes, feelings, failings, without the halo or stain?

Will she ever be considered more than a means to an end- getting a male heir? More than a womb whose job it is to cater to the propogation of the (ironically) human race?

Will she ever be able to reclaim her right to her body, her thoughts, her feelings, her wishes, her life?

Will she ever be able to live a happy and fulfilling life on her own terms without everyone and their cousin attempting to control her choices?

Will her life be ever considered more important than any ideology?

31 year old Savita Halappanavar died a painful and unnecessary death in Ireland after being denied proper medical care. Her story is known to all by now. Her baby had already miscarried, and she was dealing with the heartbreak in a practical way- asking for a termination of the pregnancy as her life was in danger. She died a long and protracted, extremely painful death. An entirely preventable death. An immeasurable loss for her family- her parents and her husband. What kind of upholding of religion did this achieve? She did not even share that belief.

Both Praveen and Savita Halappanavar lost their baby. Only Savita lost her life.

She was born a woman.

Is this the kind of world into which I've brought my daughter?

I couldn't put my wish and hope for a better world for our daughters in words any different from these by a favourite poet, Rabindranath Tagore-

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high 
Where knowledge is free
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments 
By narrow domestic walls
Where words come out from the depth of truth
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way 
Into the dreary desert sand of dead habit
Where the mind is led forward by thee 
Into ever-widening thought and action
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake

Poetry, as relevant today as it was a hundred years ago.

RIP, Savita Halappanavar.

***************************************************

This was a post hankering to be written. Savita's story was just the catalyst.

On occasion of the International Day for the Girl Child - The Evolution of Calpurnia Tate

The world has very few women scientists, although the first and only person ever to have received the Nobel  in two different branches of science, was Marie Curie, a woman. It is an unfortunate, though proven fact that there is a decided gender bias against women in the STEM fields of education and careers.

The damage starts early. Gender studies have proved that girls are considered not good enough in math and the sciences. This bias is often carried by female math and science teachers too, unfortunately sending the subliminal message to girls in their formative years, that they cannot do well at these subjects. It becomes a chicken-and-egg situation, leading to fewer girls taking up the STEM faculties at higher levels.

Today, on the International Day of the Girl Child, here is a book that looks at a historically significant period in science- a time when the world was poised on the brink of the new, technologically rich world- with a scientifically inclined 12-year old girl as the protagonist.

pic courtesy flipkart

The Evolution of Calpurnia Tate
Written by Jacqueline Kelly
Published by Square Fish, an imprint of MacMillan
Ages 8+

It is the summer of 1899. The only girl in a family of seven siblings, Calpurnia Virginia Tate (Callie Vee, as she is called) is expected to apply herself to the task of crafting a lady out of herself. Her mother's sole dream for her only daughter is that she be tutored in the arts befitting a lady- music, drawing, dance, embroidery, cooking- so that she would make a stunning debut on their social circuit and land the most eligible bachelor before she becomes 'an old maid of twenty.'

There is a slight hitch in the plan, though. Callie Vee has not the slightest inclination towards these achievements, and is encouraged by her naturalist grandfather in her scientific forages. The only grandchild that matches his interests.

"The laws governing inheritance are quite unknown; no one can say why...the child often reverts in certain characters to its grandfather..." 

The Origin of Species plays a large part in the book. Each chapter begins with a fitting epigraph quoted from Darwin's book. Callie Vee knows of the book, but it is a banned book, and she has no chance absolutely of laying her hands on it. Until her formidable, cantankerous grandfather discovers her interest in, and keen observations of the strange case of large yellow and small green grasshoppers- that she dutifully notes down in her 'observations notebook.'

"He stared at me for a moment with an odd expression on his face- perhaps surprise, perhaps consternation- as if I were a species he'd never seen before...He extracted a book covered in rich green morocco leather handsomely tipped with gold. Ceremoniously, he bowed and offered it to me. I looked at it. The Origin of Species. Here, in my own house. I received it in both my hands. He smiled. Thus began my relationship with Granddaddy."

It was a beginning of a wondrous journey of scientific discovery. The beginning of a dream that showed her the path out of a possible life of drudgery like countless other girls like her. A life that she could not visualise herself enjoying, no matter what her parents and society at large expected of her. The beginning of an old man's dream of at least one among his heirs carrying the light of his discoveries into the future.

This refreshing debut book by the author, Jacqueline Kelly, was devoured and thoroughly enjoyed by the resident 11 year old, who has to often be-labour under expectations from her peers, and sometimes from elders, to conform to stereotyping by her gender. Be that in clothes, interests, behaviour, dreams or priviledge. She applauded with Granddaddy, when Callie Vee ensured that she is paid for her work during the harvest season, not just the boys, and when she stressed on her right to make a choice about her life.

A has loved the book, and has been recommending it to all her friends. It makes a lot of sense to her since she has been doing evolution and taxonomy at school this year. She also identifies with Callie Vee on a more basic level - she has often been the butt of jokes among her peers for being different - more science and literature minded than the average 11 year old girl, not so interested in what is considered 'cool behaviour.'

Here is some talk with the author, Jacqueline Kelly. I did a google-search for contact information, and Ms Kelly responded promptly and graciously to my questions, despite a busy schedule on account of the forthcoming release of a new book.

pic courtesy bookpeople.com

Me: You have a medical background. How and why did this book happen?
Jacqueline Kelly: I prefer not to talk about my medical past, but I can say that I have wanted to be a writer my whole life.

Me: Did the idea of using quotes from 'The Origin of Species' occur to you after the book was drafted, or was it one of the things that inspired the book?
Jacqueline Kelly: The quotes came after I had finished the book. I then read Darwin's entire work looking for appropriate quotes that would best fit each chapter. Some of them fit amazingly well, and some of them didn't. By the way, Darwin wrote the book for a general audience, and not for scientists, so it is an amazingly accessible read. I recommend it.

Me: Why was the story placed in Texas?
Jacqueline Kelly: The story was placed in Texas because it was inspired by a 150-year-old farmhouse I bought years ago in Fentress. The house in the book was my house. Sadly, it was struck by lightning and burned to the ground three years ago. I still miss it badly. I wrote large parts of the book sitting on the front porch as Callie did, waiting for something to hop or scurry or fly by and give me something to write about.

Me: I was deeply moved as I finished the book and put it down. Somehow I was not convinced that Callie's parents had taken her scientific temperament very seriously, and might renege on any support when Granddaddy is no longer around. Have you left Callie Vee's fate hanging like that on purpose? Is there a sequel in the offing that might put girls' minds at rest regarding that concern? (This is something that has been bothering my 11 year old daughter!)
Jacqueline Kelly: I didn't mean to be quite as vague as I apparently was about Callie's future. But fear not, there is a sequel in the works that will make everything clear! I have only recently started it, so I don't yet know when it will be published.

Me: That is certainly we would be looking out for. Speaking of sequels, could you tell us a little bit about your next book, Return to the Willows, that we are waiting eagerly for? I believe it is being released on October 23rd 2012.
Jacqueline Kelly: Return to the Willows was inspired by my life-long love of Kenneth Grahame's The Wind in the Willows, a book I have loved since reading it in bed with the flu' at age eight.
I have loved his book for so long, and his characters have lived in my head for so long, that I thought I would write a sequel as a tribute to him, my way of saying thank-you for creating Rat and Mole and Toad and Badger. (Well, maybe not Toad.)

That makes it three new books that we have on our reading wish-list. The Origin of Species, the full text of which is available here online, Return to the Willows and the forthcoming sequel that will tell us more about what happened to Callie Vee.

Cross-posted at Saffrontree.

Violence Against Women Awareness Month...a call to join hands

VAWA month

October. The month in which we raise our voices against violence that is perpetuated against women. Perpetuated by men and women equally. Of all kinds- physical, emotional, sexual, verbal.

There will be much written by all our contributors about the overt, in-your-face kind of violence that catches the attention of everyone, even those who would condone violence. What I would like to draw attention to, is the subliminal kind of violence, that contributes to the psychology of both the perpetrators and victims, ensuring a milieu in which overt violence can occur.

Violence is done as a way of controlling a woman. I am not even going to go into the street variety of violence. Violence within the four walls of the home, where a person is supposed to be safe, is often the commonest place where violence occurs. Not just physically restraining her, but ensuring that she does not remain capable of thinking for herself, living in a perpetual fear of the next outburst. Even if the woman in question does strain against the stifling situation, and try to come up for breathing space, or even manage to carve a space for herself, there is always the fear that the perpetrators of violence will trod on her hard earned sense of self.

Emotional and verbal violence, here, can be of the most insidious kind, and is often socially sanctioned in many cultures. A put-down in passing can be one of the most effective ways of keeping the little woman in check. This is even more relevant if done under the wraps of matrimony, and is often discounted by those outside the closed circle who do not see any evidence of violence- no injuries to report.

Even if the violence escalates into the sexual or physical kind, the constant chipping away at her esteem, which probably begins at an early age, ensures that she is unable to come out with it into the open. For by now, she has begun to believe that her situation is somehow her fault.

The woman becomes a victim thrice in a situation like this. Once when she has to face the actual violence. Second is when she is accused of somehow having 'asked for it'. The third is when she is disbelieved, belittled, and denied any justice when she does get up her courage to fight it.

It is this that needs to change. Having come this far in our fight for equity, it will change...someday. That is the hope one lives in.

Do go to the Violence Against Women Awareness Month blog- read, comment, and participate. We need all the support we can get.   

Sports, feminism and tradition...

Why do we, as a nation, favour cricket over all other sport? Why do cricketers get elevated to demi-gods? Why is a disproportionate amount of money and adulation expended on cricket? Isn't it unfair that other sports do not get their fair share of funds? India is doing fairly well at the Olympics, despite the the bureaucratic malaise and mishandling of all things non-cricket. Why do sportsmen willingly devote lives to sports other than cricket if not for the love of the game?

*******************************************************

Watched bits of a movie, Yentl. Set in the 1850s Poland, Yentl is the story of a Jewish woman 'with a man's soul in a woman's body.' She wants to study the Talmud, but cannot, as women are excluded from serious studies. Her father, recognizing her thirst for knowledge, teaches her the scriptures in secret. After his death, Yentl has no choice but to pretend to be a boy, dressing in male clothing, so that she can follow her dream of continuing her studies. Circumstances force her to reveal to her study partner that she is a woman. In the book, she then rejects his proposal of a marriage, and prefers to continue to masquerade as a man, so that she is not stripped of her right to study. 

There has been a lot of controversy over Barbra Streisand's interpretation of the book. The book, Isaac Bashevis Singer's Yentl, the Yeshiva Boy, written in the 1960s, is supposed to be about the question of being a transgender. A man trapped in a woman's body, wearing a man's clothes to enable her to continue with her studies. Her rejection of her study-partner's marriage proposal is seen as proof of her being a transgender.

I wonder. I would lean towards Streisand's interpretation. A more feminist view of the whole thing. Yentl's sharp intellect and love of the written word, denied to women, would be reason enough for her to continue the status quo. For what guarantee could she have, once society knows her to be woman, to be able to continue to have her place in the scholarly world? In the movie, she rejects the marriage proposal, but embraces her womanhood, preferring instead, to leave the land of her birth, and go to America, the land of dreams and opportunities.

I was struck by her study-partner's reaction (in the movie) when she reveals her identity to him. He is just cannot get the idea, even calling her a demon in disguise. His refusal of the fact that she could have the capability to study what supposedly only men could-  women considered good enough only for the house and kitchen. Then, the capitulation and his recognition of who she was- a woman who also had the brains.

Both the book and the movie are worth exploring.

*********************************************************


Rakshabandhan.

I wish it was more about just love between brothers-and-sisters rather than an expectation that a brother would always protect a sister. For, the flip side of this is that sisters grow up with a false sense of security and a belief in the white knight brother, rather than learning to fend for themselves. I am being disillusioned more and more by our 'traditions' every day, traditions that seem to exist to establish the skewed male-female hierarchy than anything else.