Violence Against Women Awareness Month...a call to join hands

VAWA month

October. The month in which we raise our voices against violence that is perpetuated against women. Perpetuated by men and women equally. Of all kinds- physical, emotional, sexual, verbal.

There will be much written by all our contributors about the overt, in-your-face kind of violence that catches the attention of everyone, even those who would condone violence. What I would like to draw attention to, is the subliminal kind of violence, that contributes to the psychology of both the perpetrators and victims, ensuring a milieu in which overt violence can occur.

Violence is done as a way of controlling a woman. I am not even going to go into the street variety of violence. Violence within the four walls of the home, where a person is supposed to be safe, is often the commonest place where violence occurs. Not just physically restraining her, but ensuring that she does not remain capable of thinking for herself, living in a perpetual fear of the next outburst. Even if the woman in question does strain against the stifling situation, and try to come up for breathing space, or even manage to carve a space for herself, there is always the fear that the perpetrators of violence will trod on her hard earned sense of self.

Emotional and verbal violence, here, can be of the most insidious kind, and is often socially sanctioned in many cultures. A put-down in passing can be one of the most effective ways of keeping the little woman in check. This is even more relevant if done under the wraps of matrimony, and is often discounted by those outside the closed circle who do not see any evidence of violence- no injuries to report.

Even if the violence escalates into the sexual or physical kind, the constant chipping away at her esteem, which probably begins at an early age, ensures that she is unable to come out with it into the open. For by now, she has begun to believe that her situation is somehow her fault.

The woman becomes a victim thrice in a situation like this. Once when she has to face the actual violence. Second is when she is accused of somehow having 'asked for it'. The third is when she is disbelieved, belittled, and denied any justice when she does get up her courage to fight it.

It is this that needs to change. Having come this far in our fight for equity, it will change...someday. That is the hope one lives in.

Do go to the Violence Against Women Awareness Month blog- read, comment, and participate. We need all the support we can get.   

Violence against Women - some more books.

Here are some more books that speak about Violence against Women, and in a way that really brings home the fact that it is a universal phenomenon, and can take varied forms, from the most subtle to the extreme.

Pic courtesy flipkart

Dear Zari

Written by Zarghuna Kargar

Published by Chatto & Windus, an imprint of Random House

The story of how this book came to be written is very similar to that of 'The Good Women of China'  reviewed by me here. Zarghuna's family went as refugees to the UK after the Soviet backed government in Afghanistan fell to the Taliban. There, Zarghuna worked as a radio presenter for the Afghan Woman's Hour on BBC World Service. (Go on, click on this link to read about Zarghuna's book in her own words.)

She came across many ordinary women who told the reporters their extraordinary stories of daily struggle in a country who values its girls so little. Where boy-children are preferred, and a woman is an object of pity and malicious gossip if she does not give birth to boys. Where girls are denied an education because they are 'plants growing in the neighbour's courtyard.' Where girls as young as 10 yr-olds are given away or sold by families routinely to settle disputes or pay a debt. Or to get a bride in exchange for their son. Where girls are not educated in their own biology, but are expected to somehow know what to do when married. Where the bleeding by a woman on her wedding night is celebrated as a proof of honour, and anyone not able to give this proof or unable to give it because of an ignorance of what it is all about is hounded all her life by her in-laws and society. Where the pressure to have a boy leads some families to bring up a girl as a boy, who is treated as a boy and later a man by everyone, who is denied her feminine side all her life, although she gains in terms of freedom in society!

Zarghuna's experience with these stories motivated her enough to try and get out of her own disastrous and abusive arranged marriage.

A book worth reading. One learns so much about a country which we share a heritage with, with many similar (good and bad) traditions, and which we unfortunately do not really know much about.

Pic courtesy uRead.com

Death  by Fire
Written by Mala Sen
Published by Penguin books India

Mala Sen, who passed away in May this year, was also the erstwhile author of another controversial book on the life of Phoolan Devi, based on actual interviews with the female bandit when she was in prison. That book, too, highlights the violence faced by a young phoolan Devi, and her subsequent joining of the dacoits.

In Death by Fire, Mala Sen highlights the forced burning of 18 yr Roop Kanwar on her dead husband's pyre as a sati. Something that has happened even though the practice of 'sati' has been outlawed for more than 200 years now. She also takes up the case of 'bride-burning'- a horrific form of dowry deaths - violence in the extreme that many young women have been facing.

Mala Sen takes us through the struggle she had to undertake to have people agree to speak to her about the issues, and the hostilities she had to face while researching for the book. She also tries to analyse the whys and hows of the social dynamics of the situations that she highlights, leaving us with some answers and many questions.

Pic courtesy flipkart.com

Dowry Murder:
Re-investigating a cultural whodunit
Written by Veena Talwar Oldenburg
Published by Penguin books India

Veena Talwar Oldenburg, a historian in the US, of Indian origin, has herself been a victim of dowry related domestic violence, which, as she puts it, "could easily have culminated in murder instead of a legally acquired divorce." She links female infanticide and foeticide to dowry deaths, the only difference being that the former are in the natal home, and the last happens usually in the marital home.

Fact one: Dowry has historically, since many centuries, been also called 'Streedhan" or the wealth of a woman, given to her by parents in lieu of her inheritance, a safety net to fall back on in hard times. This is other than the 'bride-price' given to the girl's parents in some communities.

Fact two: The communities in which the incidence of dowry deaths is high are also those that historically prefer the male child.

Fact three: During British rule in India, they passed many legislations that they thought would be more in keeping with the civilised (read western) world.

Although they did a lot of good this way by outlawing horrific practices like sati and child-marriage (which continues in pockets even now), by universalising education, etc. among others, they also unwittingly did women a disservice. They introduced individual property rights, which reduced the status of women from co-owners of shared familial property to dependents on the male members who now owned this property.

Soon the connotations of dowry as the "bride's wealth" changed to "wealth brought for us by the bride". And the ownership of this wealth naturally went to the head of the household.

The author then goes on to deduce how this unique combination of age-old customs and traditions, along with misguided legislature by 300 years of colonial rule, increased consumerism post-independence, and greed calling for competitiveness in exhorbitant expenditures in weddings and dowry, with technology helping all this along- all contribute to the continuem of selective abortions of female foetuses, killing of female babies, neglect of the female child and finally, domestic violence, both in the parents' and marital home, and finally, dowry murder.

A must read for someone working in the field of domestic violence, as also for sensitizing society to this montrous practice.

Pic courtesy flipkart

The above three books are have been written by women who have been trained in the discipline of investigation and research, and have based it all on fact, not to mention first-hand experience of violence for the mere fact of having been born a woman. So they know very well how to listen to the unspoken behind women's silences

Something that is addressed very well in the groundbreaking programme "The Vagina Monologues" by Eve Ensler, now published in book form.

The book I have (which I haven't read completely yet, but have browsed enough to get the essense of) is a special edition by Villard books to mark the 10yr anniversary of V-Day, the dynamic grassroots movement to end violence against women and girls. In the blurb, it says, "Witty and wise, this award winning masterpiece gives voice to real women's deepest fantasies and fears...spellbinding, funny, and almost unbearingly moving...it is both a work of art and an incisive piece of cultural history" And no, it is NOT pornographic.

Then there is this extraordinarily useful book that I have, called Body Talk.

Pic courtesy flipkart.com

Body Talk
Written by Anjali Wason
Published by HarperCollins
Ages: 15+, young adults

Other than the expected information about biology, hormones, sexuality and feelings, this book has a useful chapter on sexual harrassment and abuse- at home, on the streets, at educational institutions and the workplace. All in a lucid, easy-to-relate-to, no nonsense way without resorting to coy euphemisms, but not in a very harsh, forbidding way, too. Perfect for the young lady about to face the world. The only lacuna is that the tone takes into account only urban, educated, upper class women, so this might not be a completely helpful books to other girls out there, poised on the brink of womanhood with dreams in their eyes. 

Violence Against Women- Some books

Violence against women. When I searched my shelves for books on the topic, I found many. What is the use of reading these books? Same as reading the survivor stories. Or reading posts by experts working in the field. One can learn so much. Become aware of realities that might have seemed fantastic. True nevertheless.

The Good Women of China
Written by Xinran
Vintage, Random House.

This book comes from a country about which we really know so little. It has been just a few years now that China has opened up, and we can look into its heart. Whatever little we knew about it-we have to thank writers like Pearl S Buck whose books bring to us in vivid detail the life of common Chinese woman, and who had been banned from China for the rest of her life for having done just that...spoken about things that might be taboo.

Xinran, a radio presenter came across the stories of many women and had to interview them in her official, and sometimes in an unofficial capacity- when those women's stories cut too closely at the ruling party's ideals. In fact, as we read story after story, we realise that the government system in China and the party's ideals were a major part of the violence perpetrated against women, never mind that the picture presented to outsiders was of equality for all citizens.

In fact, Xinran openly states in her afterword, that the only reason that she could publ;ish was because it was done in the UK, and back in her country she might have been imprisoned for it.

Belonging
Written by Sameem Ali
Hachette books

Sameem is the youngest child of Pakistani immigrants to the UK. As her mother, who no longer lives with her father, is too ill to look after the child, she is taken over by a Children's agency, through which she is placed in a foster home. This, as it turns out later, was fortunate for her, as in the 6-odd years of her life, she was relatively secure, well cared for and loved- something that gave her the strength to face the incidents which later unfold.

At 6 yrs, she is taken in by her mother and the rest of the family. She feels like an alien for a long time, bewildered by everything, by the lack of warmth, lack of love, neglect, and active violence- everyone, her mother, her elder brother, her older sisters, her sister-in-law beat her up, keep her hungry, make her do work not suitable for her tender years. Sameem endures it all in the hope that one day her mother will accept her, care for her, love her in the way mothers loved their children in the books that she had been read to as a young child.

Something that is not to be. At 13yrs, she is taken to Pakistan, and married off to a much older man, and pregnant withing a few months of marriage. Since her husband wanted to have a child who is a UK citizen, she is sent back to the UK, where she delivers her baby. Later, when she is older, she runs away with a good man who loves her, marries her, and also helps her and her son to get out of the situation.

In the afterword, Sameem says that she is aware of the ground realities, that she knows she could get out of the situation with her son and make a better life for herself only because she wasn't still in Pakistan, where the laws would not be favourable to her.

In the Land of Invisible Women.
Written by Dr Qanta Ahmed
Shree Book Publishers

Dr Qanta takes up a medical post in Riyadh. She gets an unparalleled insider's view of the almost mythological medieval practices in the Saudi Kingdom. She is unusual in that she is a woman professional of Pakistani origin, born and bred in Britain, with medical education in the US. However, she soon finds out that the fact of her being a woman colours every experience in her erstwhile home. It begins at the airport on her entry into the kingdom, where a mere escort, male, sent by the hospital peremptarily takes charge of her passport and she has to cover herself up in that stifling black shroud- the abbayah- making her invisible.

As a doctor, she gets to interact with the commoners from whom her patoents come, as well as the 'intellectual glitterati' who comprise  her contemporaries. Some of whom have royal connections.

She soon realises that all we hear of the inequalities, and more, is true. Among her experiences she tells us of a female TV presenter, Rania, who is regularly beaten up by her husband- for being a famous face. She talks about women stalked by the Mutaween- religious police- who are omnipresent. She talks about how her women patients' relatives are more worried about them being veiled than about them getting the right treatment.

The dependency and helplessness of the women, even educated ones, because they cannot drive, cannot go out without a malke escort, cannot go out with a male not related to them by blood or marriage, cannot take any financial or educational decisions without the permission of males in authority, cannot be considered natural guardians of their childre. Something that was the case in another  book, Not Without my Daughter, written by Betty Mahmoody. This book chronicles Betty's escape from an abusive marriage, her fleeing with her daughter, whom she could not legally take with her under her husband's country's laws.

Behind closed doors
Domestic Violence in India
Edited by Rinki Bhattacharya
Sage Publications

This is a collection of narratives by 17 women who are survivors of domestic violence, and who have been courageously come out with their stories, not only in print, but also in the documentary film Char DiwariBoth have been made by Rinki Bhattacharya, herself a domestic violence survivor. The heartrending narratives bring home to us how widespread the problem is, and how no privilege can save a woman from a violent situation.

'Behind closed doors' are the operative words- as these incidents were believed to be in the sacrosanct family, and as such not brought out in the public. They still aren't, for the fear of social stigma. Even the apathy of the powers-that-be can be guaged by the fact that the documentary has been aired only twice, that too late at night, when its audience would not be very wide.

There are also essays by experts, feminists and workers in the field of domestic violence, who have tried to make sense of the phenomenon. How could women be marginalised like this in a country which worships the female form of Shakti, as the Goddess, or Devi? One essay argues that in certain communities, where the Devi is worshipped in the original form women still have a better position. As Sanskritisation took place, in the post-vedic period, a 'spousification' of this Devi took place, putting the husband above her, and fettering her feared unbridled sexuality. This is seen more in the upper classes, where the need for financial independence of the wife is not felt. There is also a busting of the myth that educated financially independent women do not face violence, and the reasoning behind that.

Further essays also talk about the Domestic Violence Bill and its loopholes, the introduction of a clause for 'mandatory counselling' that aims to preserve the family structure in its present form instead of redressal to the victim of violence. Police attitude towards women and their hand in the actual violence, lack of political will or even the attitude of politicians towards these issues play a big role in law-making, enforcement and any justice.

There is also a roadmap for support to victims at the end of the book. A must read for those working in the field and those seeking an understanding of and a way out of the mess.

There are so many more books that I can write about. Maybe in another post.

Images: Courtesy flipkart.com

Violence against Women Awareness Month

Violence against Women. It has a universal ring to it- be it physical or emotional violence. It does not matter if the women are white, black, brown or yellow, rich or poor, young or old. The story is the same all over.

A group of women have decided to speak up against it, and October has been earmarked for an awareness campaign about Violence against Women.

Link to VAWM blog

The team is cognizant with the fact that the subject of violence against women is very huge and includes multiple aspects. To ensure that this awareness campaign is effective, the scope is limited to the following aspects….

1. Domestic violence – Physical violence against the woman by husband/partner and other family members

2. Violence against girl child including deprivation

3. Sexual violence - including marital rape, date rape

4. Emotional/psychological abuse

5. Dowry related violence including Bride Burning

6. Female Infanticide

7. Acid attacks

We would be delighted to have your support for VAWM Oct 2011. The plan is similar to CSA April 2011. We have a blog (http://www.vawawareness.wordpress.com/) on Violence Against Women where we invite guest posts, expert posts and anon survivor stories.

We also would urge bloggers to post on this topic on the blog all through October, first announcing the awareness campaign and second, posting on any aspect of this topic they feel strongly about.

We also have a twitter handle (@VAWMonth) which will tweet information about VAWA and invite experts, NGOs, counsellors, etc to take questions.

Do let us know if you would be interested in participating, and how would you like to participate. Also, if you have any leads to NGOs or organisations you think we should partner with do let us know.

The email to write in to is vawawareness@gmail.com.

Do post about this initiative on your blog, and use the above image to link to the VAWM blog. Also, if possible, do put the link up on your side bar. Help to spread the word.

I will, of course, be sticking to reviewing a few books that are related to the topic, some written by experts and some by survivors. Some may even be fiction.

I am painfully aware, of course, that for every survivor who has come out with her story, there will be thousands who are facing violence mutely every day, some of them with scars that last a lifetime, and many thousands for whom the violence proves fatal- either the way of homicide or suicide.

There may be millions more who may not be actively facing violence in its injurious form, but being discriminated against for the simple fact of being born a woman-- little, piffling things that can eat away at one's self-esteem, not having real choices, and being criminalised for the choices that they do make from the ones left to them. All of which can have debilitating repurcussions, preventing them from ever being able to tap their full potential. Something that is commonplace in most homes. Subliminal violence, I would call it. Insidious, and all the more dangerous for that.

I would like to share this, too. Yesterday, I was sitting in my usual place near the children's play area in my complex, reading a book that I mean to review. A lady from the complex, with whom I was on just a nodding aquaintance, came by and showed interest in the book I was reading. When I told her about this initiative, she came up with a surprising (actually not so surprising) question. According to her, the women who have any access at all to a blogpost were women with at least some priviledges. How does this 'armchair variety of awareness' help the common woman? Does it seriously have a trickle-down effect? Even if there is, isn't the change too slow to be of any significance? And for all the apparent awareness about these problems, aren't the papers everyday full of just such cases?

Any answers?