Standing up...kid style

There has been a lot of standing up for oneself and setting of boundaries that I have been reading about at Starry's blog. Made me think a lot about my own behaviour in the matter.

I had been quite a militant feminist in my teen years. Somewhere along the way, I have morphed into a closet feminist. Somehow got stuck in a rut of my comfort zone. Have been taking baby steps towards getting out of it, but not sure how long I shall take to get even close to getting there. I owe it to my child.

So the child is growing older and needing help dealing with peer interaction. As always, we turn to books- our best friends.

Last year, the tooth fairy (oh, yes, we still believe in those, and Santa, a la The Polar Express) got A a book that she has thoroughly enjoyed. It has been her constant companion over the past year, given that peer interaction is becoming more and more important. Thanks to her petite built and a possibly outdated interest in books and such, she is often the target of those who think they know better. As parents, we keep talking to her about it whenever an 'incident' happens, even stressing on the fact that every person is special in their own way, and that a lot of what those girls say doesn't become true even if it feels like that. That she has so many wonderful gifts that a lot of those girls do not have. That she just needs to ignore most of that behaviour. And at times, stand up for herself and what she thinks is right.

So when she came across this book on amightygirl.com, the tooth fairy thought it would be good thing to get her.

pic courtesy amightygirl.com

Stand Up For Yourself  & Your Friends
Written by Patti Kelley Criswell
Illustrated by Angela Martini
Published by American Girl Publishing
Ages 8+

We begin by defining bullying. It can be many things, but it is mostly about power. And not all bullies are the stereotypical big, tall, loud, intimidating person. Think Miss Agatha Trunchbull from Matilda. Oh, no, they come in different packages, and at one time or another, any one of us could bully someone else.

The book then goes on to deconstruct the politics of bullying as it occurs, and the strategies to handle it. It is peppered with real incidents reported by real girls, the way they handled it, and a lot of expert-speak on each incident. There are short, snappy, two-page chapters on each topic, with full colour illustrations.

There are also many quizzes the reader can take, like 'Is this bullying?' on identifying which behaviours would qualify as bullying, 'What's your speak-up style?' on how you would deal with a given situation and 'What do you stand for?' on your beliefs about friendship. The very practical and easy to apply tips by experts and kids themselves make for a much appreciated 'cool' factor. Or at least I have been informed so by the kid, who dips into the book often for inspiration.

There is also plenty for the bewildered adult who might be the bystander, the authority figure who may have to tackle a potentially explosive situation, or the parent who has to deal with either end of the bullying episode- the bully or the victim. Much that can be used by the adult in their own interaction with power struggles among their peers too.

A book that can be applied at all levels, with sound strategies that can be extrapolated to situations even beyond the scope of the book. And even though I place it at 8+, younger children can benefit from it too- as more and more, these things happen at a younger age in today's world.

The book has an accompanying journal that I'm sure the tooth fairy is currently considering. A journal full of quizzes, checklists and charts that I'm sure the child will enjoy working on with her own experiences.

Crossposted at Saffrontree.

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And while on the topic of standing up - here is my review on Women's Web of Warrior in a Pink Sari- an autobiographical account of Sampat Pal and her Gulabi Gang.

Sidney Poitier - Life Beyond Measure



Pic courtesy teachwithmovies.org

The first I heard of Sidney Poitier was quite by accident, and without a realisation about the phenomenon that he is. This was way back in 1997, when we were in the US, and I picked up an interesting sounding movie at my library. It was about a young couple in love, and the girl gets the boy home to meet her parents. The boy is an extraordinarily well-educated person, with a responsible job in the UN, and by all accounts, a dream suitor for anyone's daughter. Reminded me of the Elizabeth Taylor classic- Father of the Bride, now re-made with Steve Martin and Diane Keaton as the parents.

Ordinary stuff, one would think. Except that it wasn't. The girl in question is a Caucasian, and the boy an African-American. What followed was extraordinary stuff indeed, considering that the movie was made in 1967, at a time when an inter-racial marriage was a punishable offence in at least 19 states in the US.

A wonderful movie. The parents are played by two of my favourites, Spencer Tracy and Katherine Hepburn, a real-life couple, and the protagonist, John Prentiss, played by Sidney Poitier, all three Academy award winners, assisted ably by the newcomer who plays Joanna, the daughter. This was also the last movie in which Spencer Tracy acted, and he passed away a mere 17 days after filming ended.

Instead of telling you how the movie unfolds, I'll ask you to click on this link for a look at the movie trailer. Go on, click on it. It's a wonderful trailer, and if you've never watched the movie, it is worth your time.

I was fascinated by Sidney Poitier, bowled over, infact, (had quite a crush on him, if that word may be used!)and I proceeded to search out and watch all movies in which he has acted, all that I could lay my hands on. There was To Sir, with Love, based upon an autobiographical book of the same name by E. R. Braithwaite. There was A Patch of Blue, about a black man befriending a visually inpaired white girl, In the Heat of the Night, a crime thriller. There was Lilies of the Field, for which Poitier received an Oscar in 1963, becoming the first African American to receive the award for the Best Actor, male. He was all of 37. (He has also since received an Academy Honorary Award, "for his extraordinary performances and unique presence on the screen and for representing the industry with dignity, style and intelligence")

In every movie, one is struck with Sidney Poitier's persona and screen presence, and I was convinced that he was probably one of the priviledged few at the time among African Americans, who had had a wonderful opportunity at education. We are speaking, of course, of the 40s, 50s and 60s, at a time when the Civil rights movement had yet to give the wonderful results that have given us people like the present President of the US.

So when I came across two books penned by Sidney Poitier, his autobiography- The Measure of a Man, (which I have yet to read) and Life Beyond Measure, which is a collection of letters he has written for his great-grand-daughter, for her to read and know about the living history of her people when she is grown-up, I was amazed by what I read.

LIFE BEYOND MEASURE

Letters to my great-grand-daughter

Written by Sidney Poitier

Published by Simon & Schuster

Poitier undertook the writing of this book as a series of letters written to his great grand daughter, born around the time he was in his 70s.

He tells her of his humble beginnings, born as the youngest of a brood of poor farming parents. They lived on the Cat islands, in the Carribean, and it was just chance that Sidney was born on American soil. His parents had come to sell some produce in Florida- a simple thing to do at a time when there were no visa restrictions.

He had next to no schooling, and could not read or write very well when he was sent to America to make his fortune at the ripe young age of 16. Working in New York as a dish-washer, he chanced upon an advertisement for actors at a local theatre, but was rejected on account of his poor command on 'good' English.

Here was a turning point. A lesser person may have just not bothered bettering himself, and continued with his ordinary life. Not Sidney. He took it up as a challenge, and with the help of an elderly waiter, tutored himself, and presented himself to the same theatre group a year later. And the rest is history.

Poitier's letters tell us about his take on life, opportunities, faith, religion, family, love, commitments, marriage, fear, work, scientific advancements, war, health, and yes, about death, too. He does not dwell much on the films he has made, except when he needed to make a point. We also learn a lot about African-American history along the way. All in an easy conversational style reminiscent of a fable.

A legacy from a great-great-grandfather to his great-great-grandfather.

Crossposted at Bookreviews.

Have entered this review in the 2011 Global Reading Challenge in North America.

CSAAM April 2011 - Books as aids to empowering a child to stay safe from sexual abuse

Link to csaawarenessmonth

Someone very close to me had been sexually abused as a 7-8 yr old child. She was not taken seriously by the adults, and the whole thing was pushed under the carpet. The way her parents dealt with it was by putting many restrictions on her, which she perceived as unfair, and the perpetrator was not apprehended. All her life she felt unloved and rejected, and it affected her in a very strange way, which I see now that is not very strange at all.

A victim of low self-esteem as a result of her abuse, she went through a series of relationships first as a teen and then as an adult, a way for her to feel loved, but could never really open up emotionally.

She was married off at the appropriate age, but she could not connect with her husband. Moreover, she had been told to 'keep quiet' about her past, but these things have a way of coming out. This drove a wedge between them, as the husband could not deal with it. She is holding on to the marriage as there are reasons they cannot split, but the damage was done.

This post is for her. And for millions like her. So that our children can be spared such pain.

As mothers, one of the main topic of conversation with friends is our children. Till now it had been milestones, diapers, pre-school, studies, etc. Of late, the talk has been more about growing pains, peer behaviour and sexuality. A very sticky wicket indeed. There are many worries expressed about the increased awareness of this in the children in their pre-teens, and in some cases, even in younger children. But talk about talking to their kids about it, and I've been subjected to incredulous looks or even stonewalling. One mother caught me alone one day and told me that there is no need to talk to the kids as they anyway get all their information from movies, and if we talked to them, they would think that it would be OK to do anything they want, as the parents themselves are providing them with information!

Until there was a near-incident involving a serviceman who tried to molest a 6 yr old, but was caught before he could do anything. The mother was horrified, and the child was petrified of stepping out of the house without her mother. She came to me, and we had a talk about the books I used to talk to A about it.

Being brought up by parents who never thought of speaking to me of these things, it had been uncharted territory for me, too, earlier. I was sure of one thing, though- my daughter would not go through the uncertainties I went through as an adolescent, or make the mistakes I have made- A would not suffer because of my discomfort or a lack of will or a distaste for matters. Also, as a parent, it was imperative that I keep channels of communication open with my daughter, and educate her in keeping herself safe.

So I extended my natural affinity for books to finding such as I could use to educate A. Even when she was a baby, I would keep my eyes open for relevant books that I may use when needed, and bought them. And they have come in handy. Some, I have found at libraries.

Let me begin by saying that literature for very small children does not lack cautionary tales.

We have a multitude of nursery rhymes which bring up the element of abuse and bullying, introducing these as a possibility. Think of Georgie Porgie kissing the girls and making them cry, or a great big spider coming along to bother Miss Muffet.

We have fairy tales like Little Red Riding Hood who was attacked by the Big Bad Wolf, or the Grimm Brothers' version The Wolf and the Seven Young Kids where the kids are attacked when the mother goat is out shopping, or those like The Snow Queen by Hans Christian Anderson and the parallel character of the White Witch in the Narnia series, - I could go on.

Then we have the book series like Berenstain bears books (Learn about strangers), the gentle, funny Mike Gordon books that make the kids think, like Safety, The Playground Problem, I Feel Bullied, Its Not Fair, I Feel Sad and many more that deal with peer behaviour, intimidation, feelings of sadness and guilt, etc, that are key terms in any kind of abuse, including sexual abuse.

Educating children about their bodies, biological changes at puberty and answering questions about gender and sexuality is empowering to the child as it dispels myths and insecurities brought about by information gathered from peers and the media, which can be really crippling sometimes.

There are many wonderful books that can be used with children, like Babette Cole's Hair in funny places, Mummy never told me and Mummy laid an egg.

Then there are the amazing selection of books by Robie H. Harris which however have the disadvantage of too much information in one book, which might not be all needed at the same time. Parents can however find these books a great help for empowering themselves to talk to their children, as well as use them with children if they feel comfortable about it.

These books, or maybe some other books that may be found with a quick search online, and which may be available at the local book store /or library may be looked up to use in teaching your child to keep safe. Here are some books used specifically by me on the topic at hand. Clicking on the link under the image will also take you to a more comprehensive list of similar books that may be used by parents to address their particular needs, as not all children nor all parents may have the same level of comfort, and may need a different approach.

That said, it is up to each parent to assess their child and choose the best age / method of educating their child, and if using a book doesn't work for them, that is OK, too. As long as steps are taken to protect the child.

Pic courtesy tarshi.net

THE YELLOW BOOK
A Parent's Guide to Sexuality Education.
Written by Tarshi
Published by Zubaan Books

A good book for any parent to read, it guides them through the why, when and how of sex education, dispelling any myths like- "if my child has this information, he/ she will be tempted to experiment." On the contrary. The book enables parents to ensure that their child knows how to recognise inappropriate behaviour, and is able to stand up against it.

So how does one speak to the child at different ages? Discussions appropriate for and understandable by teenagers may not be so for preteens or even younger children. The book discusses issues important at the different ages and the ways to approach them.

Other than the aspect of sex education and awareness against sexual abuse, the book also deals with topics relevant to peer behaviour like playing doctor-doctor, social images, sex talk, infatuations, experimentation, 'cool' behaviour, sexual harrasment, date-rape, substance abuse, intimate partner abuse, gendering, etc.
Empowerment is the way to prevent and deal with abuse. A comprehensive book.

Tarshi, the creators of this book, also have other books like 'The Orange book' which is a resourse book for teachers and schools, 'The Red book', which is aimed towards children 10-14 yrs of age, and 'The Blue book', which is for children older than 15 yrs. The last two are also available in many regional languages of India like Hindi, Gujarati, Bangla, Kannada, Marathi, Oriya, Tamil and Telugu.  

Having educated myself, I went about looking for books to share with my child. Found some great ones.

Pic courtesy barnesandnoble.com
Also available at flipkart

THE RIGHT TOUCH
Written by Sandy Kleven
Illustrated by Jody Bergsma
Ages : 4+ read-aloud

Bedtimes are quiet times, a time for Jimmy and his mother to talk about anything that they may want to talk about. They talk about hugs, and tickling, and surprises, and how all these would be a problem if he did not want them.

They talk about a girl, someone real, who he does not know, who was called by someone into their house to look at some kittens, and this someone told her that they would show her the kittens if she sat on their lap, and feeling uneasy about that, she ran away to her home, and told her parents all about it, and how the someone who had called her got into trouble over it.

They talk about when it is OK for someone to touch him, and when it is not. How parts covered by a swimming suit are out of bounds. How it is OK for him to say "NO!" Even if it is to someone older. Even if it is to someone he loves. Even if that could upset that person.

"If something like this happens to you, don't be afraid to tell me, even if it is supposed to be a secret. And remember, touching problems are never a child's fault."

The book has notes for the parent / caregiver that are very succint and helpful. A great resource book, suitable for children as young as 4 yrs old, with gentle text in the form of a heart-to-heart talk between a mother and her child, and lovely full page illustrations that will keep a child's attention riveted. There is nothing explicit in the book, and nothing that a 4+ yr old may not be ready for.

Pic courtesy barnesandnoble.com
Also available at flipkart

MY BODY IS PRIVATE
Written by Linda Walvoord Girard
Illustrated by Rodney Pate
Published by Albert Whitman & Co
Ages 8+

Much along the lines of the previous book, this is the story of Julie, told by her in the first person. She is at an age when she already knows that things belonging to someone are can be private, out of bounds to others. Like someone's personal letter, or her mother's handbag.

So it is a simple thing for her mother to broach the idea that the parts of her body covered by a swimsuit (I think this is a wonderful method of identifying their private body parts for even very young children) are private too, and that "nobody should touch me in those places unless there is a very good reason." She specifies that this holds true for boys as well as girls.

"It might be a stranger, or it may be someone you know, like a babysitter, a teacher, or a friend," Mom said, "or even someone in our family. It probably won't ever happen. You don't need to worry about it; you just need to know what to do-- the way you know what to do if a fire starts."
"I'd get mad," I told Mom. "I'd shout NO and run away."
"Good!" she said. "And you must come and tell me what happened...
...no matter who it is- I don't care if it's Santa Claus- you tell me...or some grown-up you trust...
...Never be afraid to tell. No matter what happened, it's not your fault."

Evocative sketches in black-and-white-and-sepia bring alive the easy conversations in the text to us, giving us a peek into Julie's family. With Julie, A also experienced a sense of empowerment in the affirmation that she had a right to say NO! Even if it is to someone she loves and trusts; someone who could misuse that trust!

A note for parents at the end of the book says "You need to feel comfortable talking about...or your child will pick up your discomfort and may be reluctant to talk."

Some of these books may have a younger age specified on them than the parent may be comfortable with for their particular child. Again, I would say, you are the best judge.

I used 'The Right Touch' first to broach the topic to A when she was about 7, as I didn't want to scare her. I sat and read the book to her, at a quiet one-to-one time. She had many questions, which, thanks to 'The Yellow Book,' I had satisfactory answers to. The third book, 'My body is private,' was a more recent addition, and one that she could read and comprehend by herself now, although we did read it through together. And yes, there were many questions now too, with better insight, thanks to her age and peer group.

I had never kept any caretakers for her, or ever had any babysitters, so I was with her at all times till she was almost 3. After that, I did keep telling her about how parts of her body are private, stranger danger, and how she needed to keep me informed all the time as to her whereabouts. More about that with our last book.

Pic courtesy amazon.com

COME AND TELL ME
Be sensible - and safe
Written by Helen Hollick
Illustrated by Lynda Knott
Ages 4+ read aloud
A read-aloud story to help prevent child sexual abuse.

All parents can identify with this book, whether abuse is a possibility or not.

When Jenny plays with her friends in the park near her house, her mother can usually keep an eye on her from their window.

One day, Jenny was not to be seen anywhere, and her mother became frantic looking for her. Jenny had actually just gone to her friend Darren's house with him for an ice-cream, and got scolded by her mother on returning.

'Jenny was upset and began to cry. Why was Mum so angry?
Back indoors, Mrs McCann gave Jenny a big hug.
"I'm not really angry," she said, "but sometimes worrying makes you say and feel things you don't mean."
"I was only at Darren's house," sniffed Jenny.
"But I didn't know that, did I?" Mum answered.'

Then Jenny and her mother had a long chat about strangers, and how they can sometimes, not always, be bad, and how it is not easy to tell the good from the bad. How sometimes we need to take help from strangers. But, how it is important that she must not go anywhere with anyone, or get into someone's car or house without first asking her parents, or her teacher, or a trusted adult who is looking after her.

Also that a person who does not mean her any harm will usually not object to her informing her parents, or will not ask her to keep anything that they say or do a secret.

"The best and the most important thing to do," Mum added "is to always come and tell me where you want to go,...as long as you tell one of us, we will know where you are and that you are safe."

The book gives relevant points for discussion with a child, and cautions, that when children do come and tell, "It is your part of the bargain, as an adult, to listen when they do come and tell."

I usually do that, sit down with a book when A is playing, so that I can keep an eye on her, and so that she can inform me if she wants to go elsewhere. And yes, going off to anyone's house is not allowed, except when they are people I know and trust.

Here are some more books, printed material and other resources for parents to use to keep their child safe from the big bad wolf. There are also books like this one recently reviewed at Saffrontree, which is an award-winning YA book dealing with abuse at home , or this book by Anita Naik for teens - 'Little Book Self-Esteem', a wonderful book that I intend introducing to A a few years later. (Click on the link for similar books dealing with self-esteem and bullying, major monsters for children to overcome.)

Crossposted at CSAAM and at Saffrontree.

.....or not to...is the question!

What made me write this post? Well, for one, this post and this one, both by Sangi, this post by Monika, and a talk we attended at A's school.

The school has come across some children of middle school using social networking sites, for which they are clearly underage. There has also been some instances of inappropriate behaviour that has been noticed among students, which has been traced to unsupervised viewership of television programmes with age-inappropriate content, bad language, etc., as also unsupervised access to the internet, especially if both parents are working. According to the school, it is the responsibility of the parents to be aware of what their child is being exposed to, and take steps to correct any oversights. As for children of working parents, it was suggested that they install a password operated net connection, and speak to the children about what can or cannot be watched, reinforcing the message by repetition. For this was the time when the children are just beginning to take the first steps out of childhood, and are still influentiable. For the better or worse.

There was an interesting point raised. There are children, and then there are children. Of different kinds. For every child that is influenced by all this, and loses focus of what is right, there may be some who are not, who manage to take it in their stride, and come through unscathed. It was upto every parent to be aware of how their child is, educate the child accordingly and be available for the child at all times if need be. The school on its part would discourage anything age-inappropriate, and have a no-tolerance policy for anything inappropriate for school. This was something that was to be handled on a two-way-street.

So what does this have to do with the three posts I mentioned at the beginning? Quite a bit.

I come from Bram roots. My grandparents would not even partake of anything that contained onions or garlic, these been considered as tamasic foods. My parents, though, encouraged us to eat eggs, although my mother could never touch the stuff herself. We had a separate vessel and pan which was washed after use and put away separately. No eggs were allowed when my paternal grandparents were staying with us. My maternal grandmother lived with us for many years, and although she never tasted them, would cook the eggs for us.

We had quite a few friends who ate non-veg food, but never once do I remember wanting to try it. We were happy enough with our ghaas-phoos, as one friend once put it, except for the very occasional eggs.

When I got married, I did not expect to be eating any either, as the husband is from the same community, an arranged marriage. He had, however, tried it during his student days, and found that he liked it, though not extraordinarily so. I tried chicken tentatively in those early days, liked it enough to have some while eating out once in a while. We never tried cooking it at home though. Even on our travels overseas, I did not really become a regular eater.

Then A came along, and somewhere at 3-4 years of age, she realised she liked the non-veg that we occasionally tried while eating out. It was purely so that the finicky mother in me would be sure of the hygiene and of what has gone in it that I agreed to cook the stuff at home. Even then, cooking non-veg is more the husband's territory than mine, I help with getting the masalas ready and then sit twiddling my thumbs (or reading some book with A). I also do not like red meat or fish dishes overmuch. And I will be more than willing to give it all up if need be. At times when we haven't had any non-veg for a longish period of time, I've never felt the urge to eat some. I'll be fine without it in my life. Maybe a point will come when I no longer want to eat it. Already on days when I prepare eggs for breakfast I have only plain toast with cheese or jam, and avoid the eggs.

A loves the stuff, of couse, especially the way Dad makes it, and is a confirmed non-vegetarian. The only reason for which I see her leaving it is if at some point in her life the softie animal lover in her decides to surface. I'm fine with whatever she decides. The choice has to be hers.

As for alcohol, I grew up in a teetotaler household. No smoking either. I am sure my parents never thought that they needed to say anything to us about it. We never thought it was a done thing, and that was that. I really do not know about my brothers, who were students when I got married, but I was never tempted by the lure of either alcohol or nicotine or any other substance in my growing up years, and I thank God for that. Of course that does not mean that I was an exemplary teenager, with no rebellion in me. There were other things that my parents came down heavily upon, without, I regret, any real communication or education about them, and I contrarily chose to focus my rebellious energies on those. So I have made my mistakes in life like anyone else.

I have worked extensively with the AA in my post-grad days, and I have seen the devastation that the addiction can cause. The rehabilitation has to be done one day at a time- something that the ex-addict has to follow all his life. Along with the counselling for psychological factors, the person has to make a commitment to avoid alcohol on an everyday basis. There is no place here for the "I can handle it" (mis)confidence. I have seen long-term rehabilitated addicts relapsing after something as innocuous as a course of cough medicine with an alcohol content, and it is tough.

At the same time, not everyone who tastes alcohol in their life gets addicted to it. I have tried alcohol with my husband, on rare occasions, as I never really aquired a taste for it. I have got really drunk once or twice, but that was just to try it out, with different brands of alcohol, and as Sangi puts it  "being drunk SUCKS!" Even then I probably had a drink once in 2-3 months, that too with guests or on a holiday. And ever since daughter has started showing curiosity in the contents of mom's /dad's glass, I've stopped drinking, not even an occasional one. I don't think I miss it at all, and feel no urge to indulge myself for any reason whatsoever.

The husband has a drink or two on weekends, and is extremely responsible about his drinking, AND of the drinking of those who drink under our roof, and have to drive back to their homes. Of late, even this has decreased. Reason- A read about a character in Black Beauty (by Anne Sewell) who drank and rode a horse to its ruin and his death. (I always fall back on books if I want to say something. Maybe books are my addiction!) She had many questions about alcohol and its effects at the time, and since then, she gets upset if her father has a drink. He has had a talk with her about it, and I'm sure it will be all for the best.

The point I'm trying to make here, is that some things, though present elsewhere in the world, were absent in my environment, either in reality, or hypothetically as subjects of discussion. We just ignored those, and never considered trying them as an option. And when I did try them, I did not get over-much attached to them. Whereas I was wrongly influenced by those things that were strongly spoken against, especially under peer-pressure, without any education from my parents as to the consequences of a mis-step, and have suffered for it.

Moral of the story- Although my first reaction to anthing that A wants to do that is wrong in my eyes is an authoritarian one, I try to simmer down and talk to her about it, rather than talk at her. I agree with the school that we need to be available to the children when they are in a communicative mood, else they will take their communication to someone else, someone completely unsuitable. Also that each child may react differently to the same set of conditions, and take away something quite different from it.  

On my part, I hope to keep communication channels open with A, as it is very likely that she might find things she finds yuck not so yuck (again quoting Sangi!) in her terrible teens, and I would like to be with her on every step of the way, with reasonable (I hope! Sometimes the streaks of an authoritarian parent tends to get the better of me, and I have to tell myself to simmer down and GET REASONABLE!)  restrictions, handholding, educating and counselling. And I hope that she always trusts us, and finds it worth the while coming to me with anything that bothers her.

So help me God!

International Family Postcard Swap- And some history!

There was this wonderful idea put up by one of my favourite bloggers. An international poscard swap! I loved the idea, and I knew that A would enjoy it too.

One of her jobs at home is collecting the post from the box downstairs on her way up from playing in the evening. In these days of e-mail, text messages and instant communication, the only post we receive is bills, solicitations and store mail. On the rare occasion it is an invitation card for a wedding from a relative. All this post is addressed to me or my husband. A recently had an activity at school where they were introduced to the postal system, as part of letter writing and composition in their language class. Their teacher got postcards, and all the children wrote letters to their parents. Then they were all taken to the local post-office and the cards were duly posted. She did come and say that her teacher had asked for our postal address, but would not tell me why. There were many secret smiles and it was all very hush-hush. Then one day there was this card in the post in her handwriting saying how much she loved us both.:) It has been read and re-read and put away with her first attempts at writing and her baby photographs and all the cards she has made for my birthday and such-like.

Anyway, since she brings up the post everyday, she had a question. "Why doesn't anyone send me any letters?" Quite right! Even I would love it if anyone sends me a real letter in the post. Although one could argue why only a letter sent by snail-mail on paper would be categorised as real. Letters by e-mail are real enough. But there you are. Somehow letters in the post do seem more really real. Just like there are many who prefer reading a good book the old-fashioned way rather than read an e-book or use Kindle. I know I would. But I am digressing!

Getting back to the point, I loved the idea of an international postcard swap. On signing up, we would be sent addresses of five families from anywhere around the world, to whom we had to send our cards. similarly, five other families would get our address, and would write to us. That made for 10 families whom we could connect with. It was a made-to-order-activity for us. When I told A about it, she was thrilled. We signed up for it, and soon received the addresses to which we were to send cards. We went to the post-office and got the cards. All the while, A was chattering (that's the only word for it!) away about all that she would like to write about.

When she actually sat down to it, she realised that the card did not have enough space for everything we would like to share. So we had this brilliant idea of writing on the card but also using some notepaper, and putting it all into an envelope. She also wanted to do some artwork. I was not sure that that was how we were supposed to go about it, so I immediately mailed to Zoe who was holding the swap, and she immediately came back with a thumbs-up. So A did some artwork on the empty half on the address side and wrote her stuff on the blank side. She very diligently addressed her letter to the children listed under each address telling them about herself.

I got some handmade recycled paper (We are trying to reduce our carbon footprint--trying is the operative word because we do not always succeed in our endeavour!) with a very "Indian" motif on it and wrote to the ladies I was to write to. We also got them small handmade items that can go into the envelopes. We put one into each envelope, sealed them wrote the addresses on top and there they were! Ready for posting!

The whole excercise made me reflect on our postal system, its history. India was an amalgamation of various kingdoms, whose boundaries kept changing throughout history. The whole was known as Bharatvarsh, and India as we know it today is a legacy of the British rule. In fact the present railway system and postal system are two of the contributions of the British. Prior to that, messages were sent by hand, by runners or on horseback. These were known as the "doots" and were protected across different kingdoms by the then prevalent version of "diplomatic immunity."

The Indian epics the Ramayana and the Mahabharata ( which is said to be 8 times the length of the Illiad and Odyssey combined) have their very famous "doots" or messengers Hanuman and Angad (Ramayana) and Krishna (Mahabharata). Then there was the very romantic Meghduuta by Kalidas, written in the 4th-5th centuries AD, in which the protagonist beseeches a meghadoot ( cloud messenger) to play postman between him and his beloved wife, who is at that time far away in their hometown while he has to do his duty as a soldier in the mountains. Indian literature is rich with many such stories and references. Rabindranath Tagore, the poet and writer who had been awarded the Nobel Prize for literature in 1913, who had been knighted by the British monarch, and who had subsequently given up the knighthood as a member of India's struggle for freedom, has penned this beautiful poem about a child who is sensitive to it's mother's longing for a letter from her husband who is away for his work.

The Wicked Postman by Rabindranath Tagore
Why do you sit there on the floor so quiet and silent, tell me, mother dear?
The rain is coming in through the open window, making you all wet, and you don't mind it.
Do you hear the gong striking four? It is time for my brother to come home from school.
What has happened to you that you look so strange?
Haven't you got a letter from father today?
I saw the postman bringing letters in his bag for almost everybody in the town.
Only father's letters he keeps to read himself.
I am sure the postman is a wicked man.
But don't be unhappy about that, mother dear.
Tomorrow is market day in the next village.
You ask your maid to buy some pens and papers.
I myself will write all father's letters; you will not find a single mistake.
I shall write from A right up to K.
But, mother, why do you smile?
You don't believe that I can write as nicely as father does!
But I shall rule my paper carefully, and write all the letters beautifully big.
When I finish my writing do you think I shall be so foolish as father and drop it into the horrid postman's bag?
I shall bring it to you myself without waiting, and letter by letter help you to read my writing.
I know the postman does not like to give you the really nice letters.

Today is a different era. It is all about instant communication. And yet, aren't we human beings just the same? We are better connected today, yet so far from our loved ones in so many different ways. The longing for communication is just the same. And it will be so to the end of the human race. After all, one of the greatest achievements of human beings, language and speech, came about because of a need to communicate, and communicate more efficiently, more elegantly. After all, that is what we have gained as a pay-off for the fact that only human beings can choke. One of the cruel twists of evolution.

A was very excited about the whole swap thing. She has been talking to her friends at school about it. I have been speaking to my friends about it. Many of them came to know about it too late to participate. But they hope there will be a next time when they can. The "real" letters evoke nostalgia. We will post our letters and wait for the ones that five other families will send us. I hope will be significantly adding to our cache of friends.