She is born a woman.
When will her birth be celebrated without any reservations?
Will she ever be able to decide for herself?
Will she ever be free to walk out on the streets without strategizing:
Should I go?
Need I go?
Am I dressed right?
Will I be considered respectable enough?
Is the time OK to go out?
Is it safe for me to be out?
Which way will be safe?
How fast do I need to go to reach a safe place?
When will she be taken seriously?
Will the world ever realize that a no means a NO?
Will she ever be able to universally claim her right to an education?
Will she ever be able to express her thoughts and feelings without worrying about being ridiculed for it or about who might get angry over it?
Will she ever be able to live to her full potential without having to dumb down to conform to others' expectations of her?
Will she ever be able to be true to herself without being apologetic or being made to feel guilty about wanting to be herself?
Will she ever be able to see herself as a human being first, without the epithets of mother, daughter, sister, wife, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, granddaughter, nurturer, care-taker, house-keeper, cook, whore, entertainer? Will the world ever be able to?
Will she be able to perceive her self through filters other than those of fair, dark, fat, thin, short, tall, beautiful, ugly, black, white, yellow, brown? Will the world ever be able to?
Will she ever be considered a human being, with human wants, wishes, feelings, failings, without the halo or stain?
Will she ever be considered more than a means to an end- getting a male heir? More than a womb whose job it is to cater to the propogation of the (ironically) human race?
Will she ever be able to reclaim her right to her body, her thoughts, her feelings, her wishes, her life?
Will she ever be able to live a happy and fulfilling life on her own terms without everyone and their cousin attempting to control her choices?
Will her life be ever considered more important than any ideology?
31 year old Savita Halappanavar died a painful and unnecessary death in Ireland after being denied proper medical care. Her story is known to all by now. Her baby had already miscarried, and she was dealing with the heartbreak in a practical way- asking for a termination of the pregnancy as her life was in danger. She died a long and protracted, extremely painful death. An entirely preventable death. An immeasurable loss for her family- her parents and her husband. What kind of upholding of religion did this achieve? She did not even share that belief.
Both Praveen and Savita Halappanavar lost their baby. Only Savita lost her life.
She was born a woman.
Is this the kind of world into which I've brought my daughter?
I couldn't put my wish and hope for a better world for our daughters in words any different from these by a favourite poet, Rabindranath Tagore-
Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high
Where knowledge is free
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments
By narrow domestic walls
Where words come out from the depth of truth
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way
Into the dreary desert sand of dead habit
Where the mind is led forward by thee
Into ever-widening thought and action
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake
Poetry, as relevant today as it was a hundred years ago.
RIP, Savita Halappanavar.
***************************************************
This was a post hankering to be written. Savita's story was just the catalyst.
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
16 November, 2012
29 September, 2011
Violence against Women Awareness Month
Violence against Women. It has a universal ring to it- be it physical or emotional violence. It does not matter if the women are white, black, brown or yellow, rich or poor, young or old. The story is the same all over.
A group of women have decided to speak up against it, and October has been earmarked for an awareness campaign about Violence against Women.
The team is cognizant with the fact that the subject of violence against women is very huge and includes multiple aspects. To ensure that this awareness campaign is effective, the scope is limited to the following aspects….
1. Domestic violence – Physical violence against the woman by husband/partner and other family members
2. Violence against girl child including deprivation
3. Sexual violence - including marital rape, date rape
4. Emotional/psychological abuse
5. Dowry related violence including Bride Burning
6. Female Infanticide
7. Acid attacks
We would be delighted to have your support for VAWM Oct 2011. The plan is similar to CSA April 2011. We have a blog (http://www.vawawareness.wordpress.com/) on Violence Against Women where we invite guest posts, expert posts and anon survivor stories.
We also would urge bloggers to post on this topic on the blog all through October, first announcing the awareness campaign and second, posting on any aspect of this topic they feel strongly about.
We also have a twitter handle (@VAWMonth) which will tweet information about VAWA and invite experts, NGOs, counsellors, etc to take questions.
Do let us know if you would be interested in participating, and how would you like to participate. Also, if you have any leads to NGOs or organisations you think we should partner with do let us know.
The email to write in to is vawawareness@gmail.com.
Do post about this initiative on your blog, and use the above image to link to the VAWM blog. Also, if possible, do put the link up on your side bar. Help to spread the word.
I will, of course, be sticking to reviewing a few books that are related to the topic, some written by experts and some by survivors. Some may even be fiction.
I am painfully aware, of course, that for every survivor who has come out with her story, there will be thousands who are facing violence mutely every day, some of them with scars that last a lifetime, and many thousands for whom the violence proves fatal- either the way of homicide or suicide.
There may be millions more who may not be actively facing violence in its injurious form, but being discriminated against for the simple fact of being born a woman-- little, piffling things that can eat away at one's self-esteem, not having real choices, and being criminalised for the choices that they do make from the ones left to them. All of which can have debilitating repurcussions, preventing them from ever being able to tap their full potential. Something that is commonplace in most homes. Subliminal violence, I would call it. Insidious, and all the more dangerous for that.
I would like to share this, too. Yesterday, I was sitting in my usual place near the children's play area in my complex, reading a book that I mean to review. A lady from the complex, with whom I was on just a nodding aquaintance, came by and showed interest in the book I was reading. When I told her about this initiative, she came up with a surprising (actually not so surprising) question. According to her, the women who have any access at all to a blogpost were women with at least some priviledges. How does this 'armchair variety of awareness' help the common woman? Does it seriously have a trickle-down effect? Even if there is, isn't the change too slow to be of any significance? And for all the apparent awareness about these problems, aren't the papers everyday full of just such cases?
Any answers?
A group of women have decided to speak up against it, and October has been earmarked for an awareness campaign about Violence against Women.
 |
| Link to VAWM blog |
1. Domestic violence – Physical violence against the woman by husband/partner and other family members
2. Violence against girl child including deprivation
3. Sexual violence - including marital rape, date rape
4. Emotional/psychological abuse
5. Dowry related violence including Bride Burning
6. Female Infanticide
7. Acid attacks
We would be delighted to have your support for VAWM Oct 2011. The plan is similar to CSA April 2011. We have a blog (http://www.vawawareness.wordpress.com/) on Violence Against Women where we invite guest posts, expert posts and anon survivor stories.
We also would urge bloggers to post on this topic on the blog all through October, first announcing the awareness campaign and second, posting on any aspect of this topic they feel strongly about.
We also have a twitter handle (@VAWMonth) which will tweet information about VAWA and invite experts, NGOs, counsellors, etc to take questions.
Do let us know if you would be interested in participating, and how would you like to participate. Also, if you have any leads to NGOs or organisations you think we should partner with do let us know.
The email to write in to is vawawareness@gmail.com.
Do post about this initiative on your blog, and use the above image to link to the VAWM blog. Also, if possible, do put the link up on your side bar. Help to spread the word.
I will, of course, be sticking to reviewing a few books that are related to the topic, some written by experts and some by survivors. Some may even be fiction.
I am painfully aware, of course, that for every survivor who has come out with her story, there will be thousands who are facing violence mutely every day, some of them with scars that last a lifetime, and many thousands for whom the violence proves fatal- either the way of homicide or suicide.
There may be millions more who may not be actively facing violence in its injurious form, but being discriminated against for the simple fact of being born a woman-- little, piffling things that can eat away at one's self-esteem, not having real choices, and being criminalised for the choices that they do make from the ones left to them. All of which can have debilitating repurcussions, preventing them from ever being able to tap their full potential. Something that is commonplace in most homes. Subliminal violence, I would call it. Insidious, and all the more dangerous for that.
I would like to share this, too. Yesterday, I was sitting in my usual place near the children's play area in my complex, reading a book that I mean to review. A lady from the complex, with whom I was on just a nodding aquaintance, came by and showed interest in the book I was reading. When I told her about this initiative, she came up with a surprising (actually not so surprising) question. According to her, the women who have any access at all to a blogpost were women with at least some priviledges. How does this 'armchair variety of awareness' help the common woman? Does it seriously have a trickle-down effect? Even if there is, isn't the change too slow to be of any significance? And for all the apparent awareness about these problems, aren't the papers everyday full of just such cases?
Any answers?
17 August, 2011
Book Review - THE OTHER SIDE OF SILENCE: Voices from the Partition of India
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| Pic courtesy flipkart.com |
Voices from the Partition of India
Written by Urvashi Butalia
Published by Penguin Books
1998.
Urvashi Butalia, the writer, has impressive credentials. Along with Ritu Menon, she set up Kali for Women, the first feminist press in India, in 1984, and later, Zubaan Books. Born to in Ambala, India, to parents who were refugees from West Punjab, now in Pakistan, she grew up hearing stories of the Partition, which tore apart the Indian subcontinent at the time of its freedom from British rule.
She began her research as a process of making sense of her family's personal tragedy. One thing led to another, and over time she realised that what 'history' tells us of the Partition are the bare political facts: tales of warring political parties and the British involvement in the whole gory process, the loss of property and lives, the statistics of the largest mass migration in recent history and violence in the riots between the Hindus, the Muslims and the Sikhs caught in the unfortunate event.
There was not much data on the renting apart of the closely enmeshed fabric of society and the actual sufferings of the flesh-and-blood people caught in the crossfire. The feminist in her also became aware of the huge conspiracy of silence (this term has also been used in reference to the victims of that other regrettable horror of the same time, the Holocaust) that enfolded the suffering of those considered to be of 'not much account' and therefore on the margins of citizenry- the women, the children and the harijans.
"But the 'history' of Partition seemed to lie only in the political developments that led up to it. These other aspects - what had happened to the millions of people who had to live through this time, what we may call the 'human dimensions' of this history -- somehow seemed to have a 'lesser' status in it. Perhaps this was because they had to do with difficult things: loss and sharing, friendship and enmity, grief and joy, with a painful regret and nostalgia for loss of home, country and friends, and with an equally strong determination to create them afresh. These were difficult things to capture 'factually.' Yet, could it be that they had no place in the history of Partition? Why, then, did they live on so vividly in individual and collective memory?"
Ms Butalia takes us through these events as pieced together from first-person accounts of survivors. The stories seem fantastic, the violence, the bloodiness ant the loss inexplicable, as does the almost mythological account of a society where the different religions had lived together in harmony, love and trust. Surely something had gone seriously wrong somewhere for the anger to have erupted as it had, killing and maiming millions, and creating a legacy of communal disharmony, and an almost pathological enmity between the two countries which were once part of one whole. A whole that had effectively driven their colonial rulers away.
The feminist in the writer notes some very interesting aspects of the problem. Even the interviews were necessarily taken in a family setting, where men did most of the talking, and women were often silenced. While men spoke of the politics, the killings, the violence, the women's experience of Partition was largely defined by the death of children, abductions, sexual violence, honour killings, forcible co-habitation/marriages with their abductors, their making peace with it, especially after children were born of these relationships.
During their interviews, Ms Butalia tried to listen to the unsaid, the silences, the sudden breaking-off of the narrative, the nuances. "In my work, the more I looked at women's voices and found them inserting themselves into the text, the more I realised that the silences did not exist only around women, but also around others, those whose silences have been even less important to society. The search for a history of women was what then led me to a search for a history of others. The voices of women, of children, of untouchables, to me provide not only a different perspective on the history of Partition, but they also establish this history as a process, a continuing history, which lives on in our lives today in a variety of ways."
Then there was the ultimate insult to injury- the Abducted Persons (Recovery and Restoration) Act, 1949. A lot of this has been pieced together from accounts of social workers who were actively involved in the operation. Ostentiably to recover abducted women and children and return them to their families, the Act would not take into account the women's choice in the matter, something that all citizens were given upto the late fifties. After being abducted, these women often got assimilated into those families, bore children out of those relationships, but were torn from these children when they were 'recovered' to return to their families of origin. The original families would often refuse to accept these 'children of sin' which were left with their abductor-fathers. Quite often these children ended up on the streets with the other children who had been displaced or orphaned in the Partition. Both the women and children were refused the 'choice' that citizens of both countries had at the time.
First-hand accounts by some of these children, adults at the time of interviewing, underscore the same conspiracy of silence. Many of them glossed over their accounts, unable as adults to relate their memories of the horrors. Some of them, like a Sikh survivor who was just 9 at the time of Partition, had memories overshadowed by one particular incident- the death of their own familiy's hands of almost a hundred girls and women to 'save' their honour - an incident immortalised in the book and later movie Tamas.
In fact, most of these personal stories have been found to a large extent in a multitude of short stories and novellas written by many noted authors who have lived through the Partition- Amrita Pritam (Pinjar), Saadat Hasan Manto (Toba Tek Singh, Kingdom's End and other stories), Gulzar (Raavi Par and other stories), Khushwant Singh (Train to Pakistan), Bapsi Sidhwa (Ice-Candy Man), Bhisham Sahni (Tamas), and more. Many of these stories have been made into film, reaching a larger audience. Many bollywood movies, too, speak of the Partition or 'Batwara' as it is called in Hindi.
History, as told in history books, however, sticks mostly to the bare facts and statistics of the Partition. 'The other side of silence' tries to address this deficit in a more factual way, that can be corroborated, than the fictionalised accounts. Showing us that the fiction is not a very long way off reality.
More than twelve million people left their roots and migrated, about ten million of these crossing the western border. Around two million died in the violence. An estimated 75,000-1,00,000 women are thought to have been abducted and raped by men of religions different from their own (and indeed sometimes by men of their own religion). An estimated 50,000 children were born to the abducted women, an an unaccounted number of children were abandoned or simply lost. "People travelled in buses, in cars, by train, but mostly on foot in great columns called kafilas, which could stretch for dozens of miles. The longest of them, said to comprise nearly 400,000 people, refugees travelling east to India from western Punjab, took as many as eight days to pass any given spot on its route."
Ms Butalia has very honestly admitted that her work does not represent the whole of the history of Partition, but is a very personal history, her reading of the interviews she took. She also candidly admits that it is probably a very one-sided view of the whole thing, as by 1984, when she began her research, it was no longer possible to obtain access to those on the other side of the border, and cautions communal groups from using her research to reach their ends.
Here are some more excerpts from the book.
Am entering this book in the 2011 South Asian Reading Challenge at S.Krishna's books.
26 June, 2011
Review- On My Honor
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| Pic courtesy goodreads.com |
Written by Marion Dane Bauer
Published by Yearling books, an imprint of Random House Children's books.
Ages: 8-12, 12+
Peer pressure. Everyone faces it, children more so. It looms large in their small world, often leading to literally life-and-death situations.
Twelve year old Joel and Tony are 'best friends', very different in temperament, often squabbling and bickering, but inseparable.
Tony- exuberant, fun-loving, risk-taking, with a devil-may-care attitude. Joel, the more cautious of the two, introspecting, sensitive to undercurrents in a situation, a foil for Tony.
On the way to a cliff-climbing trip, (which Joel had earlier tried to wriggle out of, hoping his father would not give him permission to go), the irrepressible Tony had decided he wanted to go swimming in the river instead. The turbulant, treacherous Vermillion river, known for its rapids. Inspite of having promised his father 'on his honor', that he would not do anything dangerous, Joel falls for the bait when Tony accuses him of being over-cautious.
"Sometimes, Bates, you sound just like your old man."
Joel could feel the heat flooding his face. "What's wrong with that?"
" 'Be careful in that tree, son,' " Tony mimicked, " 'you might get hurt. Watch Bobby when he crosses the street. Those drivers never pay any--' "
Joel had been moving closer to Tony as he spoke, and now he gave him a hard shove.
Tony keeps needling Joel, driven by bravado and dare-devilry, goading him to challenge Tony to a swimming race to a sandbar a hundred yards away. With terrible consequences.
Peer pressure. Wanting to fit in. Misplaced confidence. A sense of being indestructible. A devil-may-care attitude. Inability to lose face. Unwillingness to be perceived as a 'coward' when being just sensible and careful. A recipe for disaster?
Marion Dane Bauer has written a fast-paced, racy, but sensitively told story based on a real incident that happenned in the town where she grew up, at the very same place as described in the book. A very short, 90 page book that is very hard-hitting.
Bauer's potrayal of Joel's effort to get out of what is very clearly a fool-hardy venture, without losing face- first hoping that his father would not give his permission, then trying to make Tony see sense is very realistic. It happens ever so often in our own kids' peer-group. The disaster comes on unexpectedly, chillingly, with everything else seemingly the same, unchanged.
The potrayal of Joel's survivor guilt is heart-wrenching. The disbelief, denial, anger, dissociation, grief, a desire to hide, not face the parents, an obsessive 'washing-off of the stench of the river', are powerfully written. It helps, that his father is understanding, trying to help him let go of the paralysing, mind-numbing grief.
The wracking sobs flowed out of him like water.
His father held him for a long time, saying nothing, until Joel's tears came without sound and his breaths were quivering gasps. Even then, his father held him.
"Do you believe in heaven?" he asked at last. "Do you believe Tony's gone there?"
"I don't suppose anybody knows," his father answered gently, "what happens after...I believe there's something about life that goes on. It seems too good to end in a river."
It is a Newbery Honor winner, 1987, and the William Allen White Childrens' book award winner, 1989. A wonderfully written book, that chills me on each reading. Given a thumbs-up by A.
Crossposted at Bookreviews and Saffrontree.
09 February, 2011
Battling the bogeyman in the dark
A is a child who is afraid of the dark. This fear is not strange to me, as I, too used to be afraid of the dark as a child, and this daughter of mine has inherited my over-active imagination. Even now I am unwilling to watch a horror movie (a real, spine chilling one- not the merely grotesque stuff that passes for horror sometimes!) as my imagination goes into a super-active mode!
She does not go into a dark room by herself, unless there is someone standing outside urging her on to go ahead, and put on the light. Unfortunately, the builders of our house, while setting up electric connections and such, have placed the light switches at the far end of bedrooms, and not even in full view of the door. So if I stand outside, encouraging her to go in on her own and switch on the lights, she cannot see me there. I do not want to crystallise this feeling of fear by insisting on her doing this by herself without the crutch of me standing outside. At the same time, I do not want to convey the message to her that it may be OK to be frightened of the dark, in her own house. So I do not go in with her to switch on the light if it is she who wants something from there.
So her reaction to books with real horror in it (remember her distress on reading 'The Giant's Necklace' by Michael Morpurgo? Reviewed here. ) is a lot of distress. It makes me doubly careful while giving her books in this genre. So when I came across 'The Wolves in the Walls', by master spooky-storyteller Neil Gaiman at the library, that too in a picture book format for younger children, I decided to read it myself. And on reading it, I decided it would be a great book for A to get introduced to this wonderful writer, some of whose books I've dared to venture into myself.
Lucy hears noises in her room at night. She knows what they are. There are wolves in the wall!
"Rats!" says her mother, unconcerned, busy with housework.
"Bats!" says her brother, busy with his school work.
Her father, a tuba player, doesn't even think it worthwhile to give her an explanation.
All of them tell her- "If the wolves come out of the walls, it's all over."
And then, the scraping and scratching noises grow louder and louder, until one night, the wolves DO come out of the walls.
So is it over? Not by a long shot! It is just the beginning. The beginning of courage in Lucy, who, after scampering outside with her family, away from the wolves, realises that her pink pig-puppet has been left behind. And he has to be rescued. Inspite of her fear of the wolves. To her, it is her baby. Not "just a puppet!" as her father puts it.
This is something A could relate to very well, as she loves babies, and has already declared to me that she will marry (boys? yucky creatures!) only because she wants babies!
So what happens next? Does Lucy manage to get into the house and rescue her pink pig-puppet from the clutches of the wolves? And do they manage to drive the wolves out, after all?
A and I read this nail-biting, on-the-edge-of-our-seats story recently, and A loved it. As she rightly put it- "I'm glad I'm not so little anymore, or I would have been really frightened." For the book is the stuff of nightmares. So although it is a picture book that can be read aloud to younger children, maybe 5+, I would still put the appropriate age at 8+.
We visited Neil Gaiman, the writer in this post during CROCUS 2010, on Saffrontree. All the books that I have read by him were spooky to an extent I was not comfortable with introducing to A, knowing her. So when I read through this book, it came to me that here was the perfect book with which to introduce this wonderful writer to her.
And the illustrations! Done in a combination of pen-and-ink sketches, watercolours and actual photographs, Dave McKean has brought the 'spooky' factor alive for us. It has that unmistakeable quality of graphic novels, where sometimes pictures speak more than words. Full page, in dark shades, alternating between hazy and stark, with the text written at strategic points. Dark but funny, realistic yet enchantingly fairy-tale like. A perfect foil for Gaiman's story-telling.
Two pictures struck us as extraordinary- the page on which the wolves come out of the walls- she let out a small scream, the dynamic energy of the wolves running out, with that 'almost heard in your head' baying that can be easily imagined. Another is the page on which the family is huddled outside around a fire- the fire has a very realistic glow in the overlapping strokes of red, yellow and orange that the artist has used. One could almost feel the heat.
A great book for addressing those things that go 'bump' in the night.
Crossposted at Saffrontree.
Edited to add : Entering this for the Reading the world challenge 2011 for A under Great Britain and fiction.
She does not go into a dark room by herself, unless there is someone standing outside urging her on to go ahead, and put on the light. Unfortunately, the builders of our house, while setting up electric connections and such, have placed the light switches at the far end of bedrooms, and not even in full view of the door. So if I stand outside, encouraging her to go in on her own and switch on the lights, she cannot see me there. I do not want to crystallise this feeling of fear by insisting on her doing this by herself without the crutch of me standing outside. At the same time, I do not want to convey the message to her that it may be OK to be frightened of the dark, in her own house. So I do not go in with her to switch on the light if it is she who wants something from there.
So her reaction to books with real horror in it (remember her distress on reading 'The Giant's Necklace' by Michael Morpurgo? Reviewed here. ) is a lot of distress. It makes me doubly careful while giving her books in this genre. So when I came across 'The Wolves in the Walls', by master spooky-storyteller Neil Gaiman at the library, that too in a picture book format for younger children, I decided to read it myself. And on reading it, I decided it would be a great book for A to get introduced to this wonderful writer, some of whose books I've dared to venture into myself.
 |
| Pic courtesy amazon.co.uk |
The Wolves in the Walls
Written by Neil Gaiman
Illustrated by Dave McKean
Published by Bloomsbury Lucy hears noises in her room at night. She knows what they are. There are wolves in the wall!
"Rats!" says her mother, unconcerned, busy with housework.
"Bats!" says her brother, busy with his school work.
Her father, a tuba player, doesn't even think it worthwhile to give her an explanation.
All of them tell her- "If the wolves come out of the walls, it's all over."
And then, the scraping and scratching noises grow louder and louder, until one night, the wolves DO come out of the walls.
So is it over? Not by a long shot! It is just the beginning. The beginning of courage in Lucy, who, after scampering outside with her family, away from the wolves, realises that her pink pig-puppet has been left behind. And he has to be rescued. Inspite of her fear of the wolves. To her, it is her baby. Not "just a puppet!" as her father puts it.
This is something A could relate to very well, as she loves babies, and has already declared to me that she will marry (boys? yucky creatures!) only because she wants babies!
So what happens next? Does Lucy manage to get into the house and rescue her pink pig-puppet from the clutches of the wolves? And do they manage to drive the wolves out, after all?
A and I read this nail-biting, on-the-edge-of-our-seats story recently, and A loved it. As she rightly put it- "I'm glad I'm not so little anymore, or I would have been really frightened." For the book is the stuff of nightmares. So although it is a picture book that can be read aloud to younger children, maybe 5+, I would still put the appropriate age at 8+.
We visited Neil Gaiman, the writer in this post during CROCUS 2010, on Saffrontree. All the books that I have read by him were spooky to an extent I was not comfortable with introducing to A, knowing her. So when I read through this book, it came to me that here was the perfect book with which to introduce this wonderful writer to her.
And the illustrations! Done in a combination of pen-and-ink sketches, watercolours and actual photographs, Dave McKean has brought the 'spooky' factor alive for us. It has that unmistakeable quality of graphic novels, where sometimes pictures speak more than words. Full page, in dark shades, alternating between hazy and stark, with the text written at strategic points. Dark but funny, realistic yet enchantingly fairy-tale like. A perfect foil for Gaiman's story-telling.
Two pictures struck us as extraordinary- the page on which the wolves come out of the walls- she let out a small scream, the dynamic energy of the wolves running out, with that 'almost heard in your head' baying that can be easily imagined. Another is the page on which the family is huddled outside around a fire- the fire has a very realistic glow in the overlapping strokes of red, yellow and orange that the artist has used. One could almost feel the heat.
A great book for addressing those things that go 'bump' in the night.
Crossposted at Saffrontree.
Edited to add : Entering this for the Reading the world challenge 2011 for A under Great Britain and fiction.
23 July, 2010
Facing my fears
This post of mine made think a lot about fear and courage. So I decided to do a tag on fear. All you have to do is list 5 things that inspire fear in you and write about them. Then link it up with a book, (what else do you expect in a tag by me?!) any book which deals with fear or courage. And then you have to tag at least 5 people. And do not forget to link your post back to this post. Simple.
The big bad wolf. Fear, unfortunately, makes the wolf seem bigger. Fear. Wikipedia defines it as an emotional response to a perceived threat. Fear. A primal response necessary for the very survival of a species. The fight or flight response.
Most animals, as we know, attack or kill for two reasons only: hunger, in case of carnivores, and fear. To protect themselves, when they feel threatened. The higher the animal on the evolutionary scale, the more complex the reasons for fear. Human beings have developed fear into a fine art. We have reasonable as well as unreasonable fears. But even the unreasonable fears are very real for the person who feels them, and it is never a good thing to belittle them. They make us very vulnerable, however, and I think the whole thing about the 'macho man' is a result of getting into a denial mode.
The adrenaline rush experienced due to fear is, contrarily, enjoyed by many. The frisson of fear you feel while reading a good horror story or watching a thriller or on a roller-coaster ride is a version of fear. Whole industries have grown over this courting of the feeling of fear. Imagine watching one such horror movie in 3D!
Fear, on the other hand can be spine-chilling and mind-numbing, too. It can make one want to curl up and hide away from the world. It can make you want to give up.
Courage is the ability to face one's fears and look them in the eye. Not an absence of fear. Sometimes we do not know that we have what it takes to be courageous. We surprise ourselves sometimes when we stumble upon it.
So what are five of my biggest fears?
1. Death is everybody's greatest fear. Do I fear death? To be honest, not the fact of death. But I do fear the manner of death. I hope when I get called, it will be peaceably, in my sleep. Out like a light.
2. I am mortally afraid of becoming ignominiously physically and mentally dependent on anyone in my old age. I hope I never face that. I hate feeling helpless, and one of my greatest fears is being in a situation where I or my loved ones are at the mercy of others. Who knows what the future holds? But I certainly hope that I never have to face this fear.
3. Vertigo. I am afraid of heights. My awesome experience of the Grand Canyon was marred by my unfortunate inability to stand near the edge and feel a thrill.
4. Speed. I'm a scaredy cat here. Combine this one with the earlier one, and you have a person who absolutely refuses to go on any thrill ride. Las Vegas was a nightmare for me, and I happily stood holding our belongings while the husband went on every ride there was.
5. Snakes and creepy-crawlies. I remember as a child I would refuse to even look at pictures of these. We stayed in a bungalow then, and once during the rains, a whole bunch of baby cobras entered our verandah. I don't remember how we got rid of them, but I do remember being very very frightened. I'm not so squeamish about pictures now, but the thought of one of those near me...EEK! We had gone to Gerry Martin's farm once where he demonstrated handling of snakes. Even his daughter, who is younger than A, can handle them! I stood at a safe distance and my repect for naturalists increased many-fold. I do wield a mean insecticide sprayer, though.
What about courage, you say? Well, I'll accept that my fears paralyse me. Most of the time.
A book? Here it is.
SOME THINGS ARE SCARY
(No Matter How Old You Are)
Written by Florence Parry Heide.
Illustrated by Jules Feiffer.
Published by Candlewick press.
Ages: 3+ to adult.
ISBN 0-7636-2147-1
Image: Courtesy Amazon.
A baby associates its mother with security. Even a very small baby clutches at the person holding it. Survival reflex. No baby needs to learn it. The same baby does not have any idea about an injection being a source of pain. It will gurgle away until the needle is stuck in. Then it will give a loud wail of protest, cry some, and then quieten. Try getting an older child who knows what an injection is to agree to an injection, and you'll have a perfect demonstration of fear. A shy child fearful of social situations will hide behind its mother. A person with stage-fright will go to any lengths to ensure that he/she never has to speak in front of a group. The same person will be OK in a one-to-one situation. Fear of the unknown is universal. Whether you admit it or not.
The author has given us a wonderful book, with all kind of fears a child (or a grown-up) can have. There is something here everyone can relate to.
Just some of these-
Stepping on something squishy when you're in your bare feet...is scary.
Thinking you're not going to be picked for either side...is scary.
Holding on to someone's hand that isn't your mother's when you thought it was...is scary.
Having people looking at you and laughing and you don't know why...is scary.
Climbing a tree when you don't remember how to get down...is scary.
And the best- Knowing you're going to grow up to be a grown-up...is scary.
The illustrations by Jules Feiffer are whimsical and reminiscent of Quentin Blake. Making a book on fear a fun-filled one for children. As it says on the blurb- A lot of things are scary...but they can be pretty funny, too. Jules Feiffer has, among other books, done the illustrations of that must read classic for children, The Phantom Tollbooth.
So get your thinking hats on, ladies, and let us hear from you. If something is too personal to share, we understand that you can't share it. But you can certainly come up five things that you can. Go forth fearlessly. I tag Choxbox, Starry, Artnavy, Utbtkids, Monika and Usha. That's an eclectic mix, if I say so myself. And I know I have tagged six. But I'm taking that liberty as the originater of the tag. Anyone else fearless/fearful enough to take it up is welcome to do so. And just your comments are welcome too.
Whatever fears we may have, there is always security in numbers. As I have quoted from a book by Michael Morpurgo in this post by me, we may not always acknowledge our fears, but just the realisation that we are not alone helps.
"So I asked him...why he didn't just run away. And he said: 'Because of my pals. We're in this together. We look after each other.' You've got pals, haven't you, dear?"
"Yes," I replied, "but they like coming back to school. They love it."
"I wonder if they really do," she said. "Maybe they just pretend better than you."
The big bad wolf. Fear, unfortunately, makes the wolf seem bigger. Fear. Wikipedia defines it as an emotional response to a perceived threat. Fear. A primal response necessary for the very survival of a species. The fight or flight response.
Most animals, as we know, attack or kill for two reasons only: hunger, in case of carnivores, and fear. To protect themselves, when they feel threatened. The higher the animal on the evolutionary scale, the more complex the reasons for fear. Human beings have developed fear into a fine art. We have reasonable as well as unreasonable fears. But even the unreasonable fears are very real for the person who feels them, and it is never a good thing to belittle them. They make us very vulnerable, however, and I think the whole thing about the 'macho man' is a result of getting into a denial mode.
The adrenaline rush experienced due to fear is, contrarily, enjoyed by many. The frisson of fear you feel while reading a good horror story or watching a thriller or on a roller-coaster ride is a version of fear. Whole industries have grown over this courting of the feeling of fear. Imagine watching one such horror movie in 3D!
Fear, on the other hand can be spine-chilling and mind-numbing, too. It can make one want to curl up and hide away from the world. It can make you want to give up.
Courage is the ability to face one's fears and look them in the eye. Not an absence of fear. Sometimes we do not know that we have what it takes to be courageous. We surprise ourselves sometimes when we stumble upon it.
So what are five of my biggest fears?
1. Death is everybody's greatest fear. Do I fear death? To be honest, not the fact of death. But I do fear the manner of death. I hope when I get called, it will be peaceably, in my sleep. Out like a light.
2. I am mortally afraid of becoming ignominiously physically and mentally dependent on anyone in my old age. I hope I never face that. I hate feeling helpless, and one of my greatest fears is being in a situation where I or my loved ones are at the mercy of others. Who knows what the future holds? But I certainly hope that I never have to face this fear.
3. Vertigo. I am afraid of heights. My awesome experience of the Grand Canyon was marred by my unfortunate inability to stand near the edge and feel a thrill.
4. Speed. I'm a scaredy cat here. Combine this one with the earlier one, and you have a person who absolutely refuses to go on any thrill ride. Las Vegas was a nightmare for me, and I happily stood holding our belongings while the husband went on every ride there was.
5. Snakes and creepy-crawlies. I remember as a child I would refuse to even look at pictures of these. We stayed in a bungalow then, and once during the rains, a whole bunch of baby cobras entered our verandah. I don't remember how we got rid of them, but I do remember being very very frightened. I'm not so squeamish about pictures now, but the thought of one of those near me...EEK! We had gone to Gerry Martin's farm once where he demonstrated handling of snakes. Even his daughter, who is younger than A, can handle them! I stood at a safe distance and my repect for naturalists increased many-fold. I do wield a mean insecticide sprayer, though.
What about courage, you say? Well, I'll accept that my fears paralyse me. Most of the time.
SOME THINGS ARE SCARY
(No Matter How Old You Are)
Written by Florence Parry Heide.
Illustrated by Jules Feiffer.
Published by Candlewick press.
Ages: 3+ to adult.
ISBN 0-7636-2147-1
Image: Courtesy Amazon.
A baby associates its mother with security. Even a very small baby clutches at the person holding it. Survival reflex. No baby needs to learn it. The same baby does not have any idea about an injection being a source of pain. It will gurgle away until the needle is stuck in. Then it will give a loud wail of protest, cry some, and then quieten. Try getting an older child who knows what an injection is to agree to an injection, and you'll have a perfect demonstration of fear. A shy child fearful of social situations will hide behind its mother. A person with stage-fright will go to any lengths to ensure that he/she never has to speak in front of a group. The same person will be OK in a one-to-one situation. Fear of the unknown is universal. Whether you admit it or not.
The author has given us a wonderful book, with all kind of fears a child (or a grown-up) can have. There is something here everyone can relate to.
Just some of these-
Stepping on something squishy when you're in your bare feet...is scary.
Thinking you're not going to be picked for either side...is scary.
Holding on to someone's hand that isn't your mother's when you thought it was...is scary.
Having people looking at you and laughing and you don't know why...is scary.
Climbing a tree when you don't remember how to get down...is scary.
And the best- Knowing you're going to grow up to be a grown-up...is scary.
The illustrations by Jules Feiffer are whimsical and reminiscent of Quentin Blake. Making a book on fear a fun-filled one for children. As it says on the blurb- A lot of things are scary...but they can be pretty funny, too. Jules Feiffer has, among other books, done the illustrations of that must read classic for children, The Phantom Tollbooth.
So get your thinking hats on, ladies, and let us hear from you. If something is too personal to share, we understand that you can't share it. But you can certainly come up five things that you can. Go forth fearlessly. I tag Choxbox, Starry, Artnavy, Utbtkids, Monika and Usha. That's an eclectic mix, if I say so myself. And I know I have tagged six. But I'm taking that liberty as the originater of the tag. Anyone else fearless/fearful enough to take it up is welcome to do so. And just your comments are welcome too.
Whatever fears we may have, there is always security in numbers. As I have quoted from a book by Michael Morpurgo in this post by me, we may not always acknowledge our fears, but just the realisation that we are not alone helps.
"So I asked him...why he didn't just run away. And he said: 'Because of my pals. We're in this together. We look after each other.' You've got pals, haven't you, dear?"
"Yes," I replied, "but they like coming back to school. They love it."
"I wonder if they really do," she said. "Maybe they just pretend better than you."
02 July, 2010
Of Mockingbirds and Harry
Two things lead to my writing this post.
One: I recently re-read for the nth time TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD.
Written by Harper Lee.
This edition published by Arrow publications.
Ages: young adult.
Image: Courtesy Flipkart.
The book was published on 11th July 1960, the only book written by Harper Lee, and will complete 50 years. It is an iconic book, which should be required reading for everyone above 16yrs. I first read it as a teen, and at every reading, I learn something new, both about the book, and about myself.
The story is set in Alabama, USA, or the Deep South as it was called, in the 1930s. Racial problems were the norm. Atticus Finch is a white lawyer, who is the only person with the courage to defend in court Tom Robinson, a coloured man charged with raping a white woman. Tom claims that he is innocent, and Atticus believes he is, as he knows him very well. It is just his word against that of a white woman and her father. In the end, as racial matters stand, the jury rules against Tom. While being shifted to another jail, now as a convicted man, he makes an attempt to escape, and is killed by the sheriff's men.
The story is told from the point of view of Scout, Atticus' 8yr old daughter, her brother Jem, 4 years older than her, and a neighbouring child, Dill. The book is said to be autobiographical, with Scout being the young Harper Lee. Their mother is dead, and they are being brought up by Atticus with help from the coloured housekeeper, Calpurnia, who is more than just a housekeeper to the family. She is a valuable member, who does not shirk from disciplining the children. There is a very telling incident in which a child from school is visiting them for dinner, and Scout laughs at him for something that he would like to eat. Without making her feel small in front of the guest, Calpurnia calls her into the kitchen, and tells her, "...this that boy is your guest. He could eat the whole tablecloth if he wants to." In many ways she reminds me of Mammy, the coloured housekeeper in "Gone with the Wind," who is a mother figure to Scarlett O'Hara.
There is a man in a neighbouring house, who has a history of being jailed in his youth for some misdemeaners, who is kept behind closed doors by his father. Myths about him abound among the children. Arthur "Boo" Radley becomes a monster in their eyes, a person to be frightened of. Courage, for the children, is in touching the door to Boo's house and running back. Scout is the only child who meets Boo in the book, and realises that there is nothing really to be afraid of. It is prejudice about Boo that made them fear him, just as prejudice against a coloured man, Tom, makes the white people believe in his 'crime.' As a German proverb says, "Fear makes the wolf seem bigger than it is."
Atticus is a gentle person, with a core of steel. He takes on the town single-handedly. Jem and Scout, who are witnesses to the courtroom proceedings, see their father with new eyes. They are old enough to understand a lot of what is going on, so of course, they come to their father with questions. In a talk he has with them, he says, "I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It's when you know you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do."
It is a summer of revelation, a time of growing up and the loss of innocence. As Scout later says, "It was times like these when I thought my father, who hated guns and had never been to any wars, was the bravest man who ever lived." There are many kinds of courage it deals with. The 'courage' of Jem in touching Boo's house door and running back, the courage with which Calpurnia and Atticus deal with the rabid dog in an incident in the book, the courage of his convictions that Atticus displays in his handling of the children and his single-handedly taking on of the whole town's prejudices. The courage with which Tom faces the court and the lack of courage displayed by Mayella, the white woman who accuses Tom. It is a wonderful book, one which I have gifted to many friends and relations.
Two: I saw the trailer of the next Harry Potter movie. I am an avid fan of J.K.Rowling, In her book Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, she quotes Franklin D Roosevelt when a major character applauds Harry for his choice of the thing he fears-"There is nothing to fear but fear itself." Harry is all too human in his attributes. Flawed, incomplete in many ways. He knows for a long time now that he is on borrowed time. Inspite of that, he meets his destiny head-on, with courage. Just as Harper Lee has said in her book. Courage here is not the lack of fear, but inspite of it.
This movie, HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS, will be released in two parts, in 3D. Part 1 is due for November 2010, and Part 2 for July 2011. Are you all fans reading this? Waiting for it.
Written by Harper Lee.
This edition published by Arrow publications.
Ages: young adult.
Image: Courtesy Flipkart.
The book was published on 11th July 1960, the only book written by Harper Lee, and will complete 50 years. It is an iconic book, which should be required reading for everyone above 16yrs. I first read it as a teen, and at every reading, I learn something new, both about the book, and about myself.
The story is set in Alabama, USA, or the Deep South as it was called, in the 1930s. Racial problems were the norm. Atticus Finch is a white lawyer, who is the only person with the courage to defend in court Tom Robinson, a coloured man charged with raping a white woman. Tom claims that he is innocent, and Atticus believes he is, as he knows him very well. It is just his word against that of a white woman and her father. In the end, as racial matters stand, the jury rules against Tom. While being shifted to another jail, now as a convicted man, he makes an attempt to escape, and is killed by the sheriff's men.
The story is told from the point of view of Scout, Atticus' 8yr old daughter, her brother Jem, 4 years older than her, and a neighbouring child, Dill. The book is said to be autobiographical, with Scout being the young Harper Lee. Their mother is dead, and they are being brought up by Atticus with help from the coloured housekeeper, Calpurnia, who is more than just a housekeeper to the family. She is a valuable member, who does not shirk from disciplining the children. There is a very telling incident in which a child from school is visiting them for dinner, and Scout laughs at him for something that he would like to eat. Without making her feel small in front of the guest, Calpurnia calls her into the kitchen, and tells her, "...this that boy is your guest. He could eat the whole tablecloth if he wants to." In many ways she reminds me of Mammy, the coloured housekeeper in "Gone with the Wind," who is a mother figure to Scarlett O'Hara.
There is a man in a neighbouring house, who has a history of being jailed in his youth for some misdemeaners, who is kept behind closed doors by his father. Myths about him abound among the children. Arthur "Boo" Radley becomes a monster in their eyes, a person to be frightened of. Courage, for the children, is in touching the door to Boo's house and running back. Scout is the only child who meets Boo in the book, and realises that there is nothing really to be afraid of. It is prejudice about Boo that made them fear him, just as prejudice against a coloured man, Tom, makes the white people believe in his 'crime.' As a German proverb says, "Fear makes the wolf seem bigger than it is."
Atticus is a gentle person, with a core of steel. He takes on the town single-handedly. Jem and Scout, who are witnesses to the courtroom proceedings, see their father with new eyes. They are old enough to understand a lot of what is going on, so of course, they come to their father with questions. In a talk he has with them, he says, "I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It's when you know you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do."
It is a summer of revelation, a time of growing up and the loss of innocence. As Scout later says, "It was times like these when I thought my father, who hated guns and had never been to any wars, was the bravest man who ever lived." There are many kinds of courage it deals with. The 'courage' of Jem in touching Boo's house door and running back, the courage with which Calpurnia and Atticus deal with the rabid dog in an incident in the book, the courage of his convictions that Atticus displays in his handling of the children and his single-handedly taking on of the whole town's prejudices. The courage with which Tom faces the court and the lack of courage displayed by Mayella, the white woman who accuses Tom. It is a wonderful book, one which I have gifted to many friends and relations.
Two: I saw the trailer of the next Harry Potter movie. I am an avid fan of J.K.Rowling, In her book Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, she quotes Franklin D Roosevelt when a major character applauds Harry for his choice of the thing he fears-"There is nothing to fear but fear itself." Harry is all too human in his attributes. Flawed, incomplete in many ways. He knows for a long time now that he is on borrowed time. Inspite of that, he meets his destiny head-on, with courage. Just as Harper Lee has said in her book. Courage here is not the lack of fear, but inspite of it.
This movie, HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS, will be released in two parts, in 3D. Part 1 is due for November 2010, and Part 2 for July 2011. Are you all fans reading this? Waiting for it.
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