The tie that binds...and is cherished

pic courtesy google images

Today is rakshabandhan. A day for celebrating the bond of brothers and sisters. The tradition is that a sister ties a sacred thread on the wrist of her brother, praying for his long life. In return, the brother promises to care for and protect the sister. 

Sexist, isn't it? I thought so, too, until quite recently. I would tie the rakhis to my brothers' and various cousins' wrists every year, and they would make snide (to my mind) jokes about 'protecting' me. I would get angry, upset, and just trouble myself. Despite being in a very traditional, patriarchal household, I was a closet feminist, and all this made me chafe.

Over the years, all these brothers and cousins have gone their various ways, the trajectories of each one's life different. Many ups and many downs. Circumstances change. People evolve. A person does not remain the same person that they were 20 years ago.

Today, I came across this wonderful article by Natasha Badhwar in Livemint. She has two brothers, and she, too, chafed under the connotations of this tradition. She says,

"I have value for tradition that binds. That underlines how we are equals despite differences. Not one that imposes roles and choices that feel blatantly false, that don’t fit the reality of our lives. I own my relationship with my brothers. It is the purest thing in my life. Underneath the obvious one, is a secret bond."

 

So true. I, too, have two brothers. We have spent the larger part of our lives away from each other. One in the US, one in Mumbai, and I here. Yet, our shared history means we can pick up seamlessly from where we had left, and rakshabandhan is just another bond that binds us closer. Despite all the fights we (still) have. These brothers have given me sisters-in-law who are more friends than relations by marriage. Isn't that relationship, too, a creation of the sibling bond?

So even as I chafe at the idea of 'protection of brothers', I revel in the tie of the rakhi - one that is for ever. The protection, as I have realized, goes both ways. And I encourage the same bond between my daughter and her boy-cousins. Wherever they are. Wherever they will be in the future.

 

Happy Rakshabandhan.