An answer to a question- why set age limits?

Link here to the CSAAM blog

Let me reply to the question of 'why set age limits on sexual exploration?' asked by the blue bride on her blog. I shall use a parallel example.

In my erstwhile career as a medico (I haven't worked as one for many years now), I worked to a certain extent with drug abusers. So I can guarantee to my readers that I am not talking through my hat.:)

There is a decided statistical correlation between age of initiation to smoking and the risk of hardened drug abuse in later life. It has both the physiological aspect, where receptors need higher dosages and stronger drugs to attain the same high, and the psychological aspect of things getting more easily out of hand at a younger age, when a sense of responsibility has not yet matured, and it is more difficult to differentiate between the right and wrong of anything.

Let me share this link, that discusses this in detail.

Psychologically speaking, the same thing applies to 'that tingly feeling'. Very young children cannot necessarily differentiate between fingers and toes and private parts. They do, however, in their explorations, realize that it feels all 'tingly' when they touch say their penis or vagina. It feels good, so they do it more. And they also indulge in exploration with other children.

Now, these children, even when they are older, say 8-9, still do not understand the implications of touching their private parts, and may do so in full public view. This can be misconstrued by older kids or adults as precocious behavior, and put them more at the risk of sexual abuse.

Also, the 'tingly feeling' feels good. So why not try something else? That something else can be dangerous, as children cannot very well discern risky behaviour from the non-risky. That can hurt, damage, cause unwanted infections, lead to teenage pregnancies, or can even, in extreme cases, prove to be fatal. Not to mention the psychological damage it can cause.

Again, the explorations can become addictive, and as with drug addictions, an early onset of these behaviours can lead to actual precocious behaviour and often to unhealthy sexual behaviour as the child grows up. It can also lead to sex addiction or porn addiction, which further leads to unrealistic expectations from partners and the self. Which can, in turn, lead to unhappy/ unhealthy relationships.

Let me be clear here, that not every child who indulges in early sexual exploration goes down the above path. The correlation to high risk/ aberrant sexual behaviour is just too high statistically to disregard it.

Also, I am speaking only about self-exploration by the child, or mutual exploration by children. Not an adult-child equation, which is outright abuse.

As parents, of course, it is our job
to gently re-direct the explorations to something else (which can work in very young children),
to talk to our children about good touch-bad touch,
to educate them about keeping safe,
to keep communication channels open,
to be available if /when they want to discuss something with us - it could be school, peer pressure, bodily and/ or sexual matters, substance abuse, anything at all...
to network with their friends and friends' parents and
not lecturing them/ not clamping down on their behaviour, which may lead to the opposite happening. Make something a taboo, and it instantly becomes cool.