It's good to have friends!

Yesterday evening when A came home from playing downstairs, she looked upset. I had heard her having a shouting match with her friend W, so I knew it was one of those fights! I didn't say anything to her then, and neither did she. She just went to freshen up, unusually quiet.

After we had dinner, I told her that W's mother, who was also one of my close friends, had called us over for lunch today, and that another of my friends, whose daughter S is also good friends with A and W, was also coming.

A grumpy look. Followed by "I don't think W would want me to come."

"Why?" Me.

"I was angry with her, and was not talking to her. But she kept following me and kept asking me what was the matter." A.

"So maybe she wanted to know why you were angry." Me.

"But I told her I didn't want to talk to her. Then why did she keep following me?" A.

"Because she is your friend, A, and wanted to know why you were angry. Maybe she didn't know you were angry with her." Me.

"But then why does she always want to play the game her way? I was telling her something and she wouldn't listen." A.

"OK, so you should have listened to what she was trying to say and then told her what you wanted to do." Me.

"But I wanted to play the game like I was telling her." A.

"A, you know you should take turns. If W wants to play the game in one way and you in another, tell her that maybe you can play her way for some time, maybe half an hour, and then in your way later. I have told you to do this so many times." Me.

A grumpy silence for some time, in which I kept doing what I was doing, with glances at her. "But then why should she keep following me when I told her I didn't want to talk to her? Even you tell me to go and sit somewhere else for some time when you are angry with me!"

I felt like laughing at this statement but didn't, as that would have offended the angry little monkey even more. How children always quote your own words back to you and corner you!

"Yes, I know. That is because both of us are angry about something at that time, and it gives us some time to cool off. But I never stay angry at you very long, A. There is no point in just getting angry. You should try to find a solution. Maybe tomorrow you can speak to her and tell her how much it upsets you when this happens. But no fighting again tomorrow while talking to her about it."

"No, I don't want to go to her house tomorrow!"

I let it be, as I knew things would have blown over by the morning. When A woke up today, she was still worrying over the matter.

"Aai, I don't think W would like me to go to her house." This statement told me that A was no longer in an angry mood, and may be open to reason.

"I don't think that should happen, A. Maybe even she is feeling bad about your fight. And maybe she is also feeling bad that you got angry with her and would not talk to her. I know her insisting on doing things her way upsets you, and sometimes it is not fair. But what will you get by getting angry over it? Everybody does things in their own way, A. People are never going to do things the way you want them to do them ever in your life. They will always do things the way they want to do them. It is not only W, or you, or any of your friends now. Others in school, when you become bigger, or people in the office when you grow up and work, or people you get to know when you get married, are all going to be different from you. They are not going to behave in the way you want them to."

I was watching her as I spoke. I still had her attention.  "And there is no point in getting angry or upset at everything your friends do that you do not like, A. That is not going to help you or anyone else. You must try and ignore all such things. Yes, if it is something big, if someone hits you, or pushes you, or breaks something of yours, or anything like that, you have the right to get angry. But then there is no point in staying angry for so long. That is not getting angry. That is sulking. And then people will say 'OK. She always gets angry and sulks.' Then they will stop trying to be friends. Then you will have no friends left, A."

I still had her attention. "That is why she kept following you, A. Because she is your friend and cares enough to try and talk about it even though she knew you were angry at her."

"But I was angry at her then, and didn't want to talk to her."A.

"So next time, tell her that her behaviour has made you angry and that you wanted some 'time-out' so that you are not angry after some time, and can play again. But again, there is no point in remaining angry for so long that it becomes sulking."

Just then, my phone rang. It was my friend, W's mother. "Happy Friendship Day! You'll be coming by 1.30, won't you?" she said.

"Oh, I didn't know it was Friendship Day. And yes, I'll be there by then. I'll get some ice-cream, so don't bother making any dessert."  I said.

A was listening, eyes lighting up at the mention of ice-cream. "Aai, today is Friendship Day?"

"Yes. Aunty said it was." Me.

"Then I'll make friendship bands to take with me for W and S." A.

"You'll have to make three then. S's younger sister Ar (who thinks the world of A) will also be there. But only if you hurry up and get ready now. Otherwise you'll not have time." Me.

I don't know how much of my lecture had actually taken root, but all was well with A's world again.

I, too have been blessed with wonderful friends who have been there for me when I needed them. They have been supportive without interfering, without trying to tell me what I should do, and without prying into my personal matters if all I wanted was someone to be just there. Friends who accept me as I am, warts and all.

All that I wanted to say about friends has been already said in this wonderful, wonderful post by Suranga. I could not have said it better.