When the quality of mercy got a bit strained!

In her English class, A and her friends are being introduced to literature other than that in their textbook. They are doing "The Wizard of Oz" in the original, as also daily readings from one of the "Chicken Soup" books appropriate for their age. As an offshoot of this, they have been introduced to concepts like "Thought for the day" which the children themselves have to share with the others in assembly, and "A daily act of kindness" which is shared in class too. I think it is a very good thing, and makes the children think outside their curriculum. A sort of "literature project", if you please, other than the book review, biography and autobiography that they did last year. Also a great way of sensitising them to others' needs and thoughts.

So we have been having help at home as "acts of kindness". Discussions if something she reads in the current book qualifies as a suitable "thought for the day" and what it really means.

Yesterday, she came home a little thoughtful. When I asked her, she said, "Aai (mother in marathi), today in class Kn (a boy in her class) dropped the colour pencil box by mistake and all the pencils rolled around everywhere. When he was picking them up I got up and helped him to put them back. Is that an act of kindness?" 

"Yes," I said. "Did anybody else also help him?"

"No." She said. "The others kept sitting in their seats. The boys anyway do not help if anything like this happens. And the girls were all thinking 'why must we help a boy?' They were all looking at me and must be wondering why I was helping. Is it OK if I helped Kn?"

"Yes, it was nice of you." Now I do not know this child, but that didn't matter. A had been helpful to someone spontaneously, and was obviously feeling proud of her "act of kindness," and that was all that mattered to me. I was also glad that she was trying to internalise being kind.

She still seemed worried about something. "But aai, he did not say 'thank you' to me. And later in the bus he pushed me when he wanted to get down at his stop. That was not nice of him. It was rude."

Now my husband, who was listening quietly all this time, joined in. "Yes, it was rude of him. So don't be helpful to him next time. Do you think you should?"

"Yes!" Pat came the reply. "If he is rude, that is his problem. Why shouldn't I help him next time if I want to?"

Why indeed! I was proud of her attitude, but was a bit busy at that time to add my bit, and then the conversation moved to matters of homework. Today morning, while getting her ready for school, I had the time to speak to her.

The matter was still playing on her mind and she opened the topic herself. "Aai, was it OK what I said yesterday? I can help if I am someone's friend, can't I? Even if they are rude?" 

Now A has been reading "William Shakespeare and his Dramatic act" from the Dead Famous series for the past few days. This has been her first exposure to Shakespeare, and I am glad it is a fun one. So I decided to take advantage of the fact and told her at this point that Shakespeare has written a play called A merchant of Venice, in which there are some famous lines...and I quoted the first few relevant lines to her. 

"The quality of mercy is not strained.

It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven

Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest:
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes."

She was enchanted and was listening with her whole being. It was simple enough for her to understand, although I had to repeat it two times with stress on some words and some action.

"So even if he is rude to me, I should still help him?"

"You have to decide, A. What do you think?"

"Aai, that poem says that we should forgive."

"See, A. Just as it is important for you to tell the truth, or to not hit anybody, or be kind, it is also important to be able to forgive. See, that poem says it is good for both the person who is forgiven and for the person who forgives." I could sense that she was paying close attention. "Just like when you do something that I don't like."

Here she supplied her own example. "Like that time when I broke the thermometer?" Not a very good example as it was not something major that needed forgiving, but it would do for the sake of the discussion.

"Yes,"  I said. "At that time I scolded you for playing with it but have I kept scolding you for it? Everytime you do something you shouldn't, you sometimes get scolded. But do I keep going back to whatever you have done earlier and scold you for that or anything else every time? No. Just imagine if I keep doing that. Won't it be very bad? It does not mean that I have forgotten about it. But what you did can be forgiven."

I still had her attention. "So if somebody is rude to you, you don't have to keep on tolerating it, if it happens every time. Just pay no attention to such people. But you can certainly forgive them and not hold it against them. And if then they do ask for help, you can be kind and help them. It will certainly make you feel better about yourself . You felt nice helping him, didn't you?"

"Yes!" Big grin on her face. Forgiveness as a concept that she could handle without feeling weak was introduced. I thought the rest of it- what if someone had done something by mistake or deliberately...how to handle being forgiving then- could wait for a later date.

She came back home from school today with another big grin. "Aai, you know today Kk(another boy) knocked down some books and asked if someone can please help him pick them up? I went immediately and helped him. You know, nobody else came to help."

"So did he thank you for it?" Me.

"Yes. He took the books and said thanks." A.

"So did that feel good?" Me.

"Yes!" Big smile and a hug.

Bless her!